Tuesday, October 28, 2008

feeling guilty

feeling guilty

I did something stupid. I haven't hear from Miguel in a while. I stopped by Lucy's to see if he was there. He wasn't. In a way, I felt badly the way we left things on Thursday morning. He wanted to get some clothes and the money I stole from him. I turned him away quickly. We parted ways.

He forced my hands big time on Wednesday night. His drinking problem got me into BIG TROUBLE. Yesterday, I got my first apartment warning. I'm not worry about it. Miguel won't be coming around any more. He only got himself to blame. I mentioned over a million of times to stop coming to my place DRUNK! Yet, he kept on showing up DRUNK.

I kinda miss him, but not his drinking. I could do without it. I still think about him once in a while. I wondered what happened to him. Is he is in the hospital again? Was he kill? Did a car hit him? Did he move in with another friend? Is he in jail for intoxicated? WHO KNOWS?

I felt guilty. I felt reponsible too. I shouldn't feel either, but I do. I need to stop feeling responsible and guilty. It is quite hard. We have been together since 1999 on and off. We had lots of history.

I hoped I could run into him at Lucy's this evening. I don't have to talk to him. I could look at him, knowing he may not doing that well. Yes, I would cry secretly. Hopefully, he LEARNED his lesson by now and went to rehab.

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