2008 october 21, tuesday

5 AM - I woke up. I used the restroom. I went back to bed. I couldn't sleep. Miguel was on my mind. I have to tell him that he can't stay with me. We agreed on Saturday that he could stay until today. I know he will be very mad at me. Oh well. That is how the cookie crumbles. I gave him enough time to look for another place. He was here since Saturday afternoon.

It's time to end a life - our lifes together. I will tell him in a letter and give it him on the bus. Sadly, there may be a huge scene! Perhaps, give him the letter once he get outside. I need to make myself perfectly clearly that it's THE END of us for once and for all. I want no part of his alcohol problem. He made his choice and I made mine. I'm better off without him. I must come first in my life.

5:13 AM - Miguel woke up. He used the restroom. He turned on the TV. I got up from the bed. I went online.

5:31 AM - I saw a message from madrosed.

madrosed @scareykatt Thanks so much! about 7 hours ago from twitterrific in reply to scareykatt

5:47 AM - Miguel turned off the TV. He went back to sleep.

5:54 AM - I left a message for mongoos150 on twitter.

Mongoos150 Just woke up. Ugh getting sick...

scareykatt @Mongoos150 Don't you hate that? getting sick. we need to take care of ourselves. we must come FIRST in our lifes. it's time to end a life.

6:18 AM - I saw a tweet from buckhollywood.

buckhollywood Good Morning! How did you sleep? I slept well!

scareykatt @buckhollywood sleep good, but I must end a life for once and for all. I can't let it continue to control my life. I have to kill it TODAY!

6:21 AM - A wonderful ideal came to me. What if I call my long time friends in Dallas. Kevin and Gary will give me great advice on how to deal my situation. Besides, they ALWAYS look out for me. Hopefully, Gary will be at work too. I think Gary have an email. Kevin told me that Gary has one.

I can't call right now. They may not be at work. They are two hours ahead of me. The time is 6:27 and it's 8:27 in Dallas. Maybe, call them about two hours from now.

6:59 AM - I read Josh's new post about Chelsea and Chuy on Prop. 8. I left him a quick message.

I have never ever vote in my life.

This will be my FIRST TIME to vote.

There are two main things to vote.

1) a new president.

2) no on prop 8.

Those two things are the MOST important for me.

October 21, 2008 6:59 AM

7:10 AM - I haven't wrote Miguel's "Dear John" letter yet. I'm good at procrastinating. Shame on me! It does make someone lazy! I know the words I want to say in the letter. Like I said before, I need the letter to be perfectly clear - short and sweet. Mostly, straight to the point! I must do it BEFORE he leaves for his 1 PM meeting with his boss.

7:30 AM - I'm working on the letter.

7:40 AM - I finished Miguel's letter. It was short and straight to the point. Now, I need to write it down for him.

We agreed on Saturday that you can stay until October 21, 2008.

You have enough time to look for another place to stay.

It's time to end a life.

That's not a death threat.

It's a promise.

I need to end a life for once and for all.

You made your choice and I made mine.

You want to remain an alcoholic, but I don't.

We will go our separate ways.

We will move on with our lifes.

Take care of yourself.

Have a nice life.

7:48 AM - I looked at my email. I have another message from thesmiths1013 on vloggerheads.

Hi, saw your poem today on your blog, loved it. I tried to comment on it, but cant figure out how to comment there. Wanted to ask, how is your day, I have missed following your day.

p.s. is there another way to speak to you besides this site? I can't figure out how to do it with the blog.

I might as well give her my personal email. Throughout the whole ordeal since I mentioned it on vloggerheads, she showed a keen interest in my situation with Miguel.

8:29 AM - Another tweet from buckhollywood.

buckhollywood going to store and then lunch- im wearing a cute sweater! i'm just sayin!

scareykatt @buckhollywood I'm just saying that life as I know it is coming to AN END! http://tinyurl.com/68dfr8

8:38 AM - Tweets from PhillyD and karpadiem.

PhillyD Feeling Bad? Sing this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Its magical. Just act like you can sing well. Its fun and funny :)

scareykatt @PhillyD I'm feeling GREAT and HAPPY! I'm just saying that life as I know it is coming to AN END! http://tinyurl.com/68dfr8

karpadiem Gooood Morning. Exciting day to be a free man. :D

scareykatt @karpadiem I'm with you on that. I will be a FREE MAN too. I'm free at last, free at last! http://tinyurl.com/68dfr8

karpadiem @scareykatt Good for you!

8:48 AM - I may go outside and write Miguel's Letter. Then, make a video reading the letter. For sure, I will post it all over the web!

If something bad happens to me, everyone will know who DID it!

If I turn up DEAD, so be it.

Life have been interesting enough. No complaints here. After all, I live a good life.

9:10 AM - Miguel woke up.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"9:10. You have two hours to get ready. You have enough time."

I have enough time to write the letter too.

9:11 AM - Miguel went to the restroom.

9:15 AM - Miguel turned on the kitchen light and put his work pants in the closet. He turned off the kitchen light and turn on the main light.

9:16 AM - "Are you okay?" I asked.

"No, I am not."

9:20 AM - I looked for some paper and a pen. I better write the letter now. I think he is getting ready.

9:21 AM - I got the paper and the pen. Miguel put the work cards in his bag. The employer will want them back. Miguel won't have a need for the card.

9:24 AM - I used the restroom. I saw the green towel was in the laundry. A purple towel hung up from the pole.

9:25 AM - "I see you are cleaning out the bag," I said.

"It's from the popcorn. Sticky and messy. I need to wash the bag," he said.

"Forget the back pocket. It have bread crumbs," I said. He turned on the kitchen light. He dumped the crumbs in the trash.

9:30 AM - "How come you didn't tell me I got this?" he asked. I turned around. He hold the big white envelope.

"I forgot to tell you. You got it on Saturday," I said. He gave me THAT look.

9:32 AM - He turned off both lights. He took his work shoes to the restroom. I heard him coughing.

9:35 AM - Man, I have to write the letter! I can't put it off. I must do it now. Since Miguel is awake, I better do the letter outside. I want the letter to be a surprise for him. He wouldn't know what hit him. Miguel and I both are racing against time. Miguel have a meeting with his soon to be ex boss at 1 PM.

9:39 AM - Miguel closed the restroom door. Time for the letter.

9:40 AM - Miguel is shaving.

9:50 AM - I finished writing the letter. I taped myself too. It took me over seven minutes. My hand was cramping. I was in a rush! I will scan the letter now. I turned on the old laptop. The new laptop can't be use on the copy machine. Why? I have no ideal!

9:54 AM - I hooked up the laptop to the copy machine. I turned the machine on.

9:56 AM - I turned on the light. Man, I had trouble scanning it! LOL

10:03 AM - I'm done with the scanning. I did it four times.

I heard Miguel taking a shower.

10:06 AM - I read the letter for a video. Many and many takes for the video!

10:24 AM - I sent the FOUR scan pics to me in a email.

10:26 AM - Miguel opened the bathroom door. I put the letter in a envelope. I'm all set to go.

Today is one of Miguel's worst days ever! I bet he will lose his job. He just lost a place to stay.

10:30 AM - I forgot I didn't put his name on the envelope. I wrote his name.

10:31 AM - Miguel walked out with a towel. He turned on the light. He walked by.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't moon me," I said. Miguel fixed the couch. I saw his behind.

"I told YOU not to moon me!" I laughed.

10:40 AM - Miguel went back to the restroom.

10:42 AM - Dumb and crazy ideal. I want to put the letter in his bag. Forget that! He will find the letter before he leaves!

10:43 AM - Miguel turned off the kitchen light.

"Where's your nail cutter?" he asked. I gave it to him.

"You looks nice," I said. He cut his nails in the restroom.

10:46 AM - I checked my email. Cool! It's there!

10:51 AM - He gave me the nail cutters. He went to the restroom again.

10:52 AM - Miguel came out and put lotion on his hands.

10:53 AM - "Can I watch some TV?" he asked.

"Yes," I continued, "The news is on at 11."

"Noon," he said, turning on the TV.

"No, the news comes on 7...at 11," I said.

10:56 AM - He landed on The Price Is Right. "She won. She didn't know," Miguel said. He kept changing the channels.

11 AM - ABC 7 news.

11:29 AM- Miguel put on his socks.

"I will walk with you to the bus stop," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why not?" I said. He went to the restroom.

11:31 AM - He mentioned he need some money for shirts, underwear and cream for his face.

11:33 AM - I put on my socks and shoes.

11:37 AM - "Ready?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"The money," he wondered.

"Okay, Miguel. I will get it now." He waited by the door. I got the money. I turned off the TV and the lights. I grabbed the water bottle.

"Give me the money," he said.

"I will give it to you at the bus stop," I said.

11:39 AM - Miguel and I left the apartment. We were almost there. Miguel heard the bus. We were late. Bus 2 left. We walked to the corner. We stood by the wall. I gave him the money at the bus stop.

"Are you going to count it?" I asked.

"You will give me what you want to give," he said. I walked away and stood by the bus seat.

I saw bus 4. "The bus is coming," I said. The bus slowly arrived. Miguel walked up to the curb. The door opened. I handed him the letter.

"Put it..." I didn't try to finish the sentence. He got on the bus. He looked at envelope. I walked away. The light was still red. I thought it will happen. I went up the street. I stopped. I looked back. I saw the bus drove away. Yes! Miguel did NOT get off the bus. He won't either. He will go to the 1 PM meeting. The job is his MAIN concern right now.

11:53 AM - I was home.

12:04 PM - Miguel called me. I looked through the window. He wasn't there.

"Hello, Kaz! It's Miguel. Hello. Kaz. How come you didn't tell me you didn't want me to come back? I just need to get some couple of pants and couple of shirts. Hello? Bye," Miguel said.

He must have use someone's phone on the bus. He wouldn't have to get off the bus to call me.

2008 october 21, tuesday

Well, at least, I did NOT blindside him. We need to move on with our lifes. I don't want to remain stuck with him. After all, he made his choice and I made mine.

Knowing Miguel, I bet he will blow the $50 on alcohol. Man, I should have refuse about the money. Oh well. Miguel is no longer my concern. ALCOHOL IS HIS LIFE!

12:50 PM - Cake and milk! Yummy!

1 PM - Days Of Our Lives

2 PM - I turned off the TV.

2:08 PM - The Simpsons.

2:33 PM - King Of The Hill.

2:57 PM - Family Guy.

3:22 PM - American Dad.

3:46 PM - Prison Break.

4:32 PM - I finished all my shows on Hulu.

Thank God for Hulu. I don't use the VCR any more. There is no sense for the VCR since I can watch the shows online.

I watched some youtube videos like whatthebuck, texasred63.

5 PM - I came upon thesmiths1013's youtube channel. I met thesmiths1013 on vloggerheads couple months ago. This is my first time to know she is on youtube. I was about to leave an comment on her channel; only friends can do comments. I sent an friend invite. Hopefully, she will be MY FRIEND on youtube. She is already a friend on vloggerheads.

5:15 PM - I put the videos on the computer.

5:19 PM - Edit the videos.

5:26 PM - I published miguel's letter video.

5:41 PM - I put the video on youtube.

5:50 PM - I put miguel's letter on vloggerheads.

5:54 PM - Email saying the video is on VH.

7 PM - Leftover pasta

8:25 PM - I signed up for Instant Action, a game site. I played Think Tank. It is my first time to play the game. Love that game.

I found another game I love. Marvel Blast is an awesome game!

Zap is another great game.

Oh, man! Instant Action have a new player now.

9:31 PM - Miguel called me. He didn't get his job back. No surprise there! I knew he will lose it. Now, he want to meet a guy at the bathhouse. Oh, boy!

2008 october 21, tuesday #1

9:41 PM - Miguel called again! He wished me luck and want a good boyfriend. He wants "someone to love the way he is." Man, with that kind of love, Miguel will fuck up again. He doesn't want help with his alcohol problem.

2008 october 21, tuesday #2

10 PM - Fox 11 news.

10:10 PM - Something crossed my mind. I wondered if Miguel ever get his papers from his locker at work. He took his important papers to Marriot over a week ago. He didn't want to leave them at his hotel room in Hollywood. Maybe, he forgot about it.

Miguel went through a lot today. He doesn't have a job. He doesn't have any place to go. Last Saturday, he lost his clothes. He have nothing, nothing at all. Don't get me wrong. Miguel is a sweet guy, but alcohol is his life. There's nothing else I could do. He mentioned he want someone to love him the way he is. Sadly, Miguel will NEVER EVER be happy that way. He will sunk into alcoholism even more.

10:25 PM - Brush my teeth.

10:54 PM - a tweet from toddly00

Toddly00 i have made my decision. . . .and i have yet to regret it.

scareykatt @Toddly00 me either. I don't regret my decision either. I'm quite please with the way it turn out. Sadly, Miguel won't get the help he need.

11 PM - The Simpsons.

I laid on the bed.

11:30 PM - Bed time.