Monday, November 28, 2005
7 of 7 Posted 11:41 PM Msg 34414.7 reply to 34414.1
From Alien (kattalien)To: Josh24AB unread
God DOES Exist
Please! I really doubt it.
If God does exist, how come homosexuals can't go to heaven?
after all, God made homosexuals in HIS IMAGE too.
God is a damn hypocrite!
In closing, I want no part of that hypocrite God since I am gay.
As far I am concerned, there is no God.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Yesterday evening, a riddle came to me.........I think u will get it.
If someone born on Thanxgiving day, how many birthdays are there?
In their lifetime, they will be TWICE older then they "normally" are.
The birthday and thanxgiving are the SAME date......let's say Nov 24, 2005, Thursday. I was born on thanxgiving.
Next year, thanksgiving is 23, Thursday..........but my birthday is 24, Friday.
I will have TWO birthdays on Thursday AND Friday.
The two birthdays wil make me TWICE older than I "normally" am.
I will be 37 and 38 in ONE MONTH time!
In reality, I was born on a Monday in 1969. Therefore, there is no way possible I can have TWO birthdays in November!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Do we have a newbie atheist here? Not saying that in a pissy manner, I was there once too. We all were. I'm just asking.
Let's say the contradicts in the bible and God are changing my beliefs.
There are so many of them.
Yet, I can't go on believing the bible and God with full of contradicts.
Now, I see the bible is one big headache!
It isn't worth reading the bible or believing in God.
It dawned on me that I felt like that for a longest time.
I hardly go to church any more.
There is nothing there for me.
7:30 AM - Taylor woke up. He got ready and left to see about a job; he will take care of a old lady. That is something Taylor really need. The place he is living at now, the man is a major creep to him. Taylor really need to get away from the phycho!
Taylor mentioned he will come back later on today. Since Monday, Taylor have been staying with me. We need each other during this time; Robert passed away last Thursday.
I hardly do anything today, except the usual things I do.
Another old friend, Mike, called me from his work in the evening time. We talked eariler this morning for a split second. He was going back to bed. I mentioned a friend died from cancer. Mike mentioned he was sorry.
We chatted for a while. Mike don't look forward to thanxgiving/Holidays. Today was the anniversary of Mike's ex lover's death. He died few years ago. It was still hard on him. They have been together for a long time.
I mentioned tomorrow is my birthday. Mike joked that I was a old queen. He brought up the Xmas parade. It is this Sunday. I didn't know that. The parade was the last Sunday after Thanxgiving. We hunged up the phone.
Later, Taylor finally called. He won't be coming home tonight. He was babysitting.
Last night, Taylor found the Loreena McKennitt tape. I was quite surprised. I remembered that Robert gave me the tape few years ago. Now, I have SOMETHING to remember Robert. Taylor and I listened to the tape.
I looked up my web sites. I wrote about it on the web. I hit the jackpot.
Loreena McKennitt is my new favorite singer, right along with Enya! Oct 24, 2002, Thursday, I found Loreena on Musicmatch player while listening to Enya. Her song came on and her voice was beautiful beholding with my ears!
A very funny thing happened thou, my friend came over and I wanted him to hear the beautiful Loreena song. I was so shock to learn that Robert already knew her songs. He mentioned he listened to her over 6 years now and already had some CDs of hers. He offered that I could listen to his CDs. I can't wait! :-P
Monday, November 21, 2005
This is one of the most difficult things I ever written.
November 21, 2005, Monday - I recently learned that a close friend died from cancer. Taylor and I didn't know he passed away. It hit Taylor very hard; he still loves Robert.
I heard someone threw pennies at my door. I knew it was Taylor to get my attention. I went outside to let him in. The moment I saw him, I mentioned Robert told me to tell him to call him.
I saw Robert one last time on Halloween at APLA. I just got my monthly bus pass. I walked down the hallway. Someone called out my name. I looked up. I didn't recognize him at all. It was a huge shock to see Robert that way. I didn't expect to see him. Robert was in a wheelchair. He was in bad shape. He revealed his baldhead; he under went chemotherapy this past few months. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him. I couldn't face him like that way; I think Robert sense that. It was all over my face. It was hard to talk and face him. I haven't seen him over a year. He was walking, good looking, and muscular. He wasn't that way any more.
We chatted for a while. He wanted my phone number and email again. He mentioned he would call me soon; I will do the same. We never call each other on the phone or an email. Now, I wished I had or sent an email. I will have told him that I haven't see Taylor yet. I will have go over there with Taylor to see him. Then, I waited for him in the lobby, playing Dig Dug. I was such a mess. I felt bad about my old friend. Robert came to the lobby. We exchanged phone numbers/email. He thought I didn't have the same phone number/email.
We chatted more. He asked about Taylor. I haven't seen him in a few months. That's Taylor for you. He doesn’t keep in contact with me every week. Taylor couldn't get in touch; he lived with a fellow he took care of this year. It took up most of Taylor's time. Robert asked for a big favor - tell Taylor to call him. I was surprised to hear that. They haven't talk to each other in a long time. Now that I think about it - Robert wanted to talk to him one last time; he knew his time was ending soon. It didn't occur to me at that time.
Out of the blue, Robert brought up the $200. I was quite surprised he remembered. I gave him that money over two years ago. He mentioned he would pay me back soon. At first, I didn't want the money back. He doesn’t have to pay me. He needs his money more than I do. I can't go ahead and take the money back from him. It didn't felt right.
Robert mentioned that a nurse lived with him; that made me quite happy. At least, he had someone to look after him. Forget about Sean. They weren't on speaking terms any more. Sean started a rumor; Robert shoots up every day. Thus ending the friendship between them. I didn't know that Sean could be so mean and cruel. I only saw the good side of him. Robert took him in few years ago; Sean has no place to live. Out of the kindness of Robert's heart, Sean moved in with him. Robert mentioned that he would move to a two-bedroom apartment in Silverlake with his nurse. That made my day. Robert will be closer to me; I lived in Silverlake too. I can go there any time. I can help out once in a while.
From what I saw, Robert enjoyed being in the wheelchair; he had lots of fun. He mentioned that he would run them over if they don't get out of the way. LOL. We went to the subway. I offered to go with him to pick up his medication; he declined - he just wanted time alone. He doesn't get out that often. I wondered how he leaves the apartment. The building does have steps. He told me that friends would help him out of the building. I left him on the train; I got off Santa Monica. That was the last time I saw him.
Taylor finally called Robert. A lady answered the phone; Julie didn't know who Taylor was. Taylor explained that he met her with Robert at the gay center; they picked up his medication. One time, Taylor told me that; Taylor thought Julie was his niece. Well, Robert told me that she was his nurse! LOL. She sounded strange on the phone; Taylor asked, "What's wrong?" Julie revealed that Robert passed away last Thursday, one week before my birthday on Thanksgiving. Taylor broke down, crying. We couldn't believe that Robert died. They continued talking on the phone.
Taylor wanted to come over to Robert's place. Julie thought it was a great ideal. Taylor needed some kind of closure. I offered to go with him. After all, I need closure too and Robert's place was a good place to start the healing and talking with Julie.
Robert and I basically came from the same background - we both have alcoholics for exes and we became homeless because of them. Neither Sean nor Miguel will stop drinking alcohol; some people don’t want any help whatsoever. We met at Path and became very close. Robert helped me a great deal about the dreadful ex. He was a good friend. He was there for me. We can relate to each other.
I got my own place at Waterloo in September 2002. Robert and Taylor helped me move from Miguel's place on Cherokee. Miguel was upset that I was leaving him for my own place. He promised he never want to see me again! Good riddance. I didn't have my own bed. Robert gave me his old bed, which was good enough at that time. I have no money for a new bed. Robert and Taylor took me shopping for things at my place. Taylor picked out the things for my liking. Taylor made me place very nicely; he did an excellent job. They both will do anything for me.
I know I went off topic! Hey, I just want to tell how good Robert AND Taylor were friends. Their friendship meant the world to me.
Taylor and I went to the bus stop. He was still crying; he couldn't understand how God took him away. He was pretty upset. He disavowed God; he wants nothing to do with God. He took off his rings and necklace. I put out my hand, "Give me your stuff." I didn't want Taylor to give up on hope and/or God. I will keep his things for safekeeping. He gave up his faith in God. He couldn't handle losing more loved ones.
We got off Madison and walked to Robert's. Taylor buzzed. Julie came down. We went in the building. Taylor broke down. Julie comforts him. We went up the stairs. We entered the apartment. They mostly did the talking. I listened to them! LOL. It was a great healing process for the both of them. It felt good to be a part of that. I just wanted to be there for Taylor. He has been through a lot.
Taylor admitted to Julie that he wants nothing to do with God; God kept on taking his loved ones. Julie made a excellent point - people comes into our lives for a reason, then they will leave wherever they may go to. Robert did his work on earth; he touched so many lives. It was his time to go home. God needed Robert more than we do. Taylor decided to put on his jewelry again.
Julie mentioned that Robert and her were complete strangers when they met! No kidding, dude! After three days, Robert offered Julie to live with him. See how good Robert was. Julie didn't know what to think. She has nothing to lose. She moved in to take care of him. They became great friends.
In closing, I felt so bad. I didn't reach Taylor on time before Robert's passing. I promised Robert that I would tell Taylor to call him. We both didn't say our goodbyes one last time in person. Whenever I listen to Loreena McKennitt, her songs will remind me of the great friend we lost. My friends, we will cherish our time with him till we see him again.
"Every journey brings its own surprises: a challenge, a sudden detour, a new set of friends along the way, perhaps even a destination different from the one you intended." - Loreena McKennitt.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
This morning, Mike Crouch called me; he wanted to come over in the morning. I mentioned I had plans. I returned the first season of The Brady Bunch. The pastic part of the DVD was up at the side twice.
I took 304 to Target. I went straight to the DVD area. Thank goodness that there was some first season there! I went to the cashier; she told me to go to Customer Service. I got in line; I exchanged it. I waited for the bus.
I put a check in the bank. Yesterday, I overspent on the DVDs again! Man, it is a addiction to me. I just couldn't stop myself at Best Buy AND Target.
I brought 7 DVDs at BB and Brady Bunch's first four seasons at Target. I thought I would only get three with the BB coupon. Boy, howdy!
Thank Goodness, I had more money in the bank. I don't want to go in debt! LOL
I figured I get the bread at Jons, across the street from the banks. I walked by the clothing store and the coats caught my attention. I needed a new coat. I only had my leather one, not counting the long leather coat.
I checked out the coats. I found two I like. I went to the cashier's. I was satisfied with the price. $9.99 and $19.99, not bad for two coats!
I took the rapid to Santa Monica and went home. The apartment manger was "housecleaning" the complex.
I was extremely hot. I wanted to relax for a while and watched some shows on DVD.
30 minutes later, the manager knocked on my door, "Someone was here." It was his last time to tell me. Man, it was Mike! He shouldn't be here right now. We agreed on 1 PM. The time was about 11:30 PM. I let Mike in, I mentioned 1 PM. He was anxious to come over. The manager blurted out, "Why am I cleaning?" It does felt like SUMMER! It was 84.
Mike and I went in. Mike checked his email; I watched Sanford & Son. Mike still gets on my freaking nerves with his talking. I couldn't watch my show as he talked. I should have slap the hell out of him! LOL
SHUT THE HELL UP, MIKE!
I finished watching some Sanford & Son episodes. I made some white cupcakes.
Later in the afternoon, Mike was hungry. I signed off to let him in the complex. Mike came back with some Tuna. He said, "You didn't hear me." Hello, Mike, the phone didn't ring once! We watched Urban Cowboy for the upteenth time! Mike asked, "When was the last time I saw that movie?" I replied, "With you." He watched the movie and doing the email at the same time. I laid on the couch.
It was getting late for Mike. He mentioned he want to spend the night, but never do! He left at the very end of the movie.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
what do you think about suicide?
Suicide isn't something I will do.
I will get a HIT MAN to kill me.
The hit man knows no fear!
He will get the job done right then and there.
I don't believe in suicide.
I'm being honest with my feelings.
The hit man is the next best thing!
Bring on the hit man!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
I took a shower. I was planning of going to pick up my mail. I know I have lots of mail. I wasn't there over a week.
Brian called me for a BIG FAVOR - volunteer at Outfest; Peter was sick. So, I took Peter's place.
I met Brian at McDonald's on Wilshire. We walked over to Outfest. They put us straight to work. We made name tags and cut the tickets.
Molly asked me if I want to volunteer this weekend at Fusion. I have no ideal what she was talking about it. They gave me a pamplet. It looked interesting. I signed up for the weekend. Molly mentioned she will send the hours in a email.
They brought us lunch at TOGO. We ate at Outfest.
We met this black women; she chatted a lot! lol
We talked how we became to be. Brian and I came from a baptist background. Enough said!
She had few boyfriends before, but it didn't feel right. She had a lesbian collage roomie. She didn't know that roomie was gay; she hide it from her and so forth.
She continued on with her life story. It was very interesting. She should write a book! After all, she is a writer like me!
Brian and I went to the bank on Wilshire/Western. Peter called Brian to have supper. Nah, I was too tired to eeat out with them. We parted ways. Brian went to Taco Bell to wait for Peter. I went home.
I felt like I was part of the WORKING world. It felt so good. I haven't work for the longest time.
I checked my email for the hours.
Thanks so much for your expressed interest in Fusion! I can assure you that it is going to be a total blast!
You are currently signed up for:
Friday at the Egyptian Theater
Drink Ticket Bander
Saturday at the Barnsdall Art Park
Barnsdall Load Out
Sunday at the JACCC
Remember we are asking that you wear your Outfest Volunteer shirt (or solid black shirt) with either black pants or jeans.
Please report to me when you get to the location(s). I will give you your badge on your first shift.
Looking forward to seeing you!
The morning before, AOL deleted my web site. They didn't give me a reason yet.
AOL sent me TWO emails, but it really didn't EXPLAIN anything about the site.
It was mostly about tips and TOS!
I woke up in the morning. I noticed I wasn't online. I wondered why.
I tried to sign on. For some reason, I need to do the question to sign in. I put in the answer.
So far, everything seems all right.
I wanted to retouch my web site.
I was shocked that my web site wasn't there.
I didn't have anything wrong with it. I worked on the site over the weekend.
I know I didn't delete it.
I checked the other sites. Boy, there was gone too.
I was sad. I had the web site over three years.
I hated to start all over again and again!
It took lots of time to build one.
I had them where I loved them!
Now, I won't do any more web sites on AOL with the screen name I have at this moment.
It is a waste of time.
I was glad that I start to put on all my art on Blogger! It was a good thing I did!
Sunday, November 6, 2005
There can by only 10 entires each on AOL. That really sucks!
You can have so many (666) on Blogger.
Oops, I meaned 999 posts! LOL
I started in the year of 1990. I will work myself to the present time.
Yes, it will take FOREVER!!
I probably have over 400 art.
Saturday, November 5, 2005
"Clay said he is not gay.I don't take him for a lier." - faithway on IMDB.
Come on now! We are talking about stars in Hollywood!
Look at Raymond Burr, Rock Hudson, Robert Reed, Liberace, Richard Chamberlain, Little Richard, Roddy McDowell, George Takei, Tab Hunter, Anthony Perkins, Tommy Kirk, Dick Sargent, and many more.
Some stars will remained IN THE CLOSET, despite a successful career in Hollywood.
The fact is............some stars comes out, some don't!