Thursday, September 25, 2003

Bette Midler - Who's Gay In Hollywood

I dug up some old web sites at Archive, where you may find your old ones too. I was mostly interest of the journal I had on Gay two years ago. Last year during my homeless days, I didn't know that Gay got rid of the free homepages on their sites. I was disappointed I was late of saving my site.

I was quite proud of the journal; it was my healing! One time, a guy blasted me for putting my ex lover's problems on the web! Hello, it wasn't his problems. It was my problem too. I lived with him at that time! I have an right to express myself on the web. I don't have hard feelings toward Miguel. It belongs in the past.

I came upon Cruize4Luv. My God! I can't believed how many pages I got from Archive. I will say "80%." I will put it on a new web site again. There were some things I forget about! I was supposed to hang out with Ken. I figured Miguel will be at work. I thought I sent Ken an email; "not to come over." Oops, wrong similiar screen name! Ken came over; Miguel answered the door in the nude. Of course, I lied to him that I have no ideal who Ken was.

Later today, I thought that my life was full of excitement back then; never a dull moment! A crazy thought entered in my mind - I wouldn't mind living that time again. Maybe, I should move back to Miguel's. At least, I will have someone in my life. Living alone is boring! I will never move in with Miguel again. I don't love him any more. That love is gone forever. We had our fun times, mostly the bad.

With Miguel, life was trouble but fun at iffy best. Now, I told you so many times that my life is so boring! I had something to look forward with my life - leave him and get my own place. I accomplished that within nine months from Miguel to homeless to Miguel to my own place! Now, there was nothing I look forward to. Why couldn't my life be exciting once again?

I hate my life very much. It wasn't fulfilling at all. Maybe, I should stay with him last year and never move out. For sure, I will do my best to remain happy, despite the troubles with him. Even at his new place, I still wasn't happy at all. I loved our old apartment on Gramercy. It was a nice neighborhood. Then again, we can't go home again!

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