Sunday, August 15, 2004

Tonya Pinkins

The Heights - How do You Talk To An Angel.

I was supposed to write this yesterday. I still get teary eyes from the article in Soap Opera Digest (August 17, 2004) about Tonya Pinkins.

For the lady, she have been through the wringer with her ex. I don't mean about the divorce or their kids. She lost custody of the kids to Ron Brawer in 1993.

By 2002, she have two more kids. She was on welfare, awash in debt, barely able to a roof over her kids. Yet, she was suffocating under the weight of her still-trenchant anger toward Brawer.

I saw the similarties in her life and mine. Yes, I have no kids or have a ex husband, but I was on welfare to this day. So badly, I can taste to get off the lazy money.

She had so much anger that she wanted revenge against her ex husband. Yet, it wasn't doing her any good at all. The bitterness wasn't hurting Brawer; it was poisoning her! It is basicly the same thing about my ex.

So much, I wanted revenge too. It was consuming my life with too much time and ways of hurting him. I sent Olga an letter to hurt him. In turn, Olga truly believed I was saying untruthful things about him. In reality, I know the truth about Miguel. Yet, they want to refuse to believe the truth.

Recently, I sent Olga a post card..........this time, under good thoughts! Last week, Miguel read the same letter I hid in his bag. Few days later, Miguel called me and thank me for the letter.

While he stayed with me for a while, old wounds opened......and wanting revenge came back. I was tempted by revenge. I just avoid it by trying to be there for Miguel. It was hard thou. My main concern was to get him out of my place! Things was different this time around. The apartment AND the bills are in my name unlike the Gramercy Apartment. I was kinda in control, but things got out of hand.

We fell into old habits. He counted on me for help. I promised it won't be like that again. Sex wasn't helping either. He remained the same person; I grew up some. Miguel was the destruction for me; he wanted to bring me down. In his mind, he loves me, but I don't love him.

Back to Tonya Pinkins, she got over the revenge and got her life back! Once again, she is on All My Children as Livia, an lawyer. She made a huge differance in her life. At this very moment, I was trying to do the same thing. Miguel was no longer living with me. He have been gone over two week. Last week, he picked up his things.

The bad thing - Miguel is an weakness; he was consuming my life. I have to take control of my life again!

My life is FINALLY back, partly. I want to live my life again witout any distractions or revenge on my mind. This monday, I will take computer classes AGAIN. This time, I will stick to it! I will give up the lazy money too! Hopefully, I can get a part time job too. I can have more money coming it and, eventually, I won't depend on the lazy money.

Also, I can get back to my art. Being lost is no picnic!

Tonya Pinkins, thanx for seeing that anger or revenge wasn't doing us any good. Postitive thinking is the best way and good things will come our way!

You taught me a valuable lesson about what's important!

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