Saturday, August 14, 2004

Bloody Crap


Morning - I felt like bloody crap! No, make it - I am bloody crap. Every few months, it happened.
I have any control of it. It just happens.

I was dying a slow death of some sort. I guessed it has finally taken over my body. I became weaker each day, but I kept on trucking. I want to refocus on my life. This time, make something out of my life before it's too late.

I put off my life long time ago. I want to LIVE MY LIFE! The money sure made me lazy. It was time for a REAL living. Life haven't been fullfilling over 14 years. I must make up lost time. I want to change my life for the better.

Haven't you noticed? The art is my voice. Yet, no one heard me talking. Why? No one understand me. I do my best with my art. Some day, people will start paying attention to me. I will be on top of my game. It was time to get off the sidelines and go after my dreams!

I always wanted to be an famous artist. I have the right tools with no collage experience. Do that matter? I think not. Some peep became successful without a degree. Well, I wasn't that smart for collage. I don't think I will do any good.

Like I mentioned above, the teacher and other students may not understand me. Oh well, life goes on.

8 AM - I left home to pick up my mail. On the way, I wasn't feeling well. Damn, that bloody crap! I wanted to spend the day somewhere.......far away from home. It wasn't meant to be. I better go back home. Someone could watch over me. Miguel's ID didn't came today. He supposed to get it couple weeks ago. I think he need to see DMV in person. I think it is not coming at all.

I just went back home. I wasn't feeling it. I believed the stress finally gotten to me. I saw my friend leaving the building. We hugged. It was nice to see her. She was a sweet person. She mentioned she was on her way to NA. That's good. I wished Miguel was like her. She stuck by it over 7 years.

I was home. I put on shorts and tshirt. I ate some cereal while I do the updated Earth Journal. I can read my magazines later. Now, you know where I was at in my life. I was bloody crap! LOL.

Yes, I will come back later...........with more details of the day. Laters.

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