Monday, August 9, 2004



2004, August 9 Monday - Miguel called me tonight during North Shore and my supper.

His voice was fragile. He sounded drunk. He just found the song for us, Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings. I thought it was a different song. He played it loud over the phone. I couldn't make it out at first. I heard Wind Beneath My Winds. Oh, yes! I love that song quite much.

He claimed it was our song. At first, I thought forget it. His wings need to be clipped by me. I can't go on with him in my life. Then, I realized it was just perfect for us, but, face it, it was too late for us. It was too late to have OUR SONG! We are not lovers any more; just friends. Miguel continued singing the song to me. It was beautiful.

I tried to talk to him during the song. He was too busy singing. So, I hung up the phone. I knew he will call me back. I took my first bite of my supper. He called me back. He was bit down. I brought up the phone calls. He mentioned he didn't call them. He doesn't care if he get his ID or his money! I bet he didn't call housing either. There was no sense of talking about that. His mind was made up.

He brought up our song again. I heard his cries. I asked, "Why are you crying?" He said, "The song is ours. I dedicated the song to you. I truly love you." I just kept to myslef. I let him continued to talk. I was awestruck. He finally mentioned the letter i put in the bag Friday evening. He didn't talk about it during the times we talked on the phone since he left on the bus home.

He just thanked me for the letter. He was really crying his eyes out. I think he finally got his wake up call from the letter. I was straightforward in the letter.

"You are homeless. You don't live with a friend. You aren't working. You lost his new job couple months ago. You are an ALCOHOLIC. You needs help with your drinking problem. Please open up your eyes."

I just hope he took the letter serious. I really care for him. I was his only hope. His family doesn't want to believe me! Man, I did my best to tell them. Last week, I sent his sister the same letter on a postcard. Yet, they haven't talk to Miguel aboutit or what. Oh well, I gave my best shot with them and MIGUEL.

"Thanx for the letter." I mentioned I can't help him any more. He needs to help himself first. He heartfelt agreed with me. He said, "You may not see me any more." Suicide, perhaps? Nah, I don't think Miguel will go that far. As longer he know he have a drinking problem, he can get the help he needs. I won't take it well if he commit suicide. I will have the iky feeling that I let him down. I killed him!

He said, "I will always love you. I want you to be beside me, next to me in bed. You are in my heart. I loved you. Sweet dreams. Good night." His crying was out of control. That last part got to me. I confessed I missed him, I loved him, I won't forget him, and he was in my heart too.

Well, that may be probably the last time I ever talk to him. We just went our separate ways, knowing the paths we are both on. I was on the path of living my life AGAIN! He was on the path to help or completely self destruction. I prayed that Miguel does the right thing. He will be doing everyone a favor.

I can't feel guilty about Miguel. He must live his own life, just like me. Who knows? We may see each other down the road. Only God knows for sure.

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