Homeless

By Kazz Falcon

I was homeless
I came upon bad times
I wasn't an alcoholic or a druggie
I lost my job
The boss laid me off after 10 years
I couldn't find another job
I never thought I will be homeless
Man, I still can't believe it
I can't stand living on the street
It was very dangerous
I saw things that can get me kill
I tend to stay away from those people
Some of them can't be trusted
They will rob you blind
I don't want to continue living in a shelter
I can't sleep at night
The food was bad
There was some nuts in the joint
I really need help
I was scared to death
By the grace of God, I will not be homeless

8/31/04 Tuesday

Happy

I got up early. It was time to get the free bus pass at APLA. That is the only thing I need from them. I took 304 to the subway. The light turned green. I walked across the street. I noticed someone standing at the door. It looked like an old friend. I called out, "Sean!" Nothing happened. I truly felt like I know him. I walked up the stairs. I called out his name again. This time, he heard me. Man, we haven't seen it each for a long time. Sean was Robert's ex.

He mentioned he was so moved by God in the church. When he heard my voice, he thought an angel was talking to him! ROFL. Yes, guys, I am an angel and don't forget that! hehe. We caught up old times. I mentioned it was too hot to talk in the sun. We went over to the shade. We continued to talk. Robert poked his finger at me. I didn't see him there all along. He was talking to this one guy. My mind was on Sean!

I told them I was still at the same place and, hopefully, moving to an one bedroom apartment on Western/Sunset at the end of the year. They offered to help me move. Robert and Taylor helped me the last time I moved from Miguel's on Cherokee in September 2002. Taylor was another ex of Robert's! Miguel was my ex. He said, "I have the paper work from APLA." They asked, "What are you doing now?" I said, "I need to pick up the bus pass." Robert haven't got a bus pass in a long time. Robert asked about Taylor - we haven't seen him in a few months. He thought he lived with Michael. As far I know, he still lives on Gower. Taylor have'nt check him email in months.

We walked to APLA. Robert mentioned he was getting movies from the web, the current ones like Spiderman 2, Shrek 2 and more. We went to the third floor for the bus pass. It was on the second floor few months ago. We got the passes. I asked, "what are you doing now?" Sean invited me to go with them to the pawn shop. We walked down the stairs to outside. Robert wanted to get some food. We went to the food bank behind APLA. I waited outside. Robert came out; his card expired. He need new everythng. APLA need to update his case every year. Sean came out too. Robert told him the same thing. Sean mentioned that he will be moving to the valley tomorrow. It was time to get his own place.

We got in Sean's new "old" car. I thought it was new. His last car was two passangers. Robert offered to get in the back. Nah, I can sit in the back. They mentioned that Sean brought a new laptop for work; Mike ruined the last one. Mike used to work for him. We arrived at the pawn shop, near the cable company a block away. Sean need to pick up his sword and a watch. We looked around. I mentioned to Robert, "for the old things, this is very expensive!" They have about everything there.......guitars, rings, watches, coins and others. I put the sword on my hip to carry it. We continued to look around. Robert likes this clock that he wanted Sean to buy for him, an early birthday present. He thought I wanted to buy it for him.

I saw a chinese picture in the back room. It cost over $500. Man, i really love that picture. I was tempted to get it. I can't afford it thou. I was drawn to the chinese as much as Hollywood, itself. I have lots of Buddas at my place. Rub his stomach, u will get good luck! I still want to join an Budda religion for a while. I haven't find an church yet. Someday, I will. We were ready to leave. Sean didn't know where his sword was. Robert mentioned I have it, that bastard! hehe. I hoped I could play with Sean for a little while.

We went to the car. I said, "Sean, you need to open the trunk first." Robert's door was already open. We were hungry. I didn't eat breakfast. We decided to eat Fatburgers. I haven't been there since the last 90's. We ordered burger, fries and coke. We waited for our food. We chatted awhile. Sean brought up my ex. I finally admitted that I was having sex with my ex. Sean guessed right! I told them that Miguel called me out of the blue last year. I didn't tell them that Miguel used to stay with me for a while at Waterloo. Robert remembered how Miguel was with me when i moved out. No biggie thou. Miguel and I were friends as much as Sean/Robert were.

We ate our lunch. Sean wondered where I want to go. I mentioned, Home. I can do the errands tomorrow. I can get the rent money and pay the bills. Robert got off in the street when the light was still RED. It reminds me of Happy Days! I got in the front seat. We talked for a while. He wondered why Robert and I don't hang out. He told me that Robert told him that we were doing our own thing; which was true. Really, I don't want to hang out with him; Robert never ever pay me back the $200 he oles me. I kept it inside of me. Sean mentioned they haven't been getting along; Robert was an grouch in the morning. LOL.

Sean wanted to use my phone; he need to call his friend in the valley. He supposed to go her place after he drops me off. We arrived to my place. I invited him in; this was his first time to be at my place. He was impressed; he likes it alot. Sean brought up my money. I showed him the checks. He gave me an bright ideal. I should put the checks in CDs; let my money grows, not sit there. I have been wanting to do that for the longest time, but I don't know nothing much about the CDs. Sean offered to helped me. He tried to get in contact with his friend online; nope, she wasn't on. Sean used the phone again. He gave me his email; he don't have the web any more. We hugged. He went to his friend's.

Losing Focus

By Kazz Falcon

I was working on a book
It was due by December 2004
I had a month left
Everything was going smoothly
I ran into an old friend
I haven't seen him since childhood
We caught up on old times
We hung around a lot
I completely forgotten about the book
We had so much fun
I was smittened by him
We spent every waking moment together
We can't get enough each other
I moved in with him
I put everything on hold
I did everything for him
I cooked
I cleaned
I took out the trash
I loved him so much
There was something missing
I felt I was lost
I wasn't happy
Don't get me wrong
Our love was still strong
I missed writing very much
That I lost focus

Was I Innocense?

By Kazz Falcon

I ran into some trouble
I don't recall what happen thou
I woke up with a massive headache
I had blood on my hands
I searched around
I came upon a bloody body in the restroom
I wondered what happened
Everything was a blurr to me
I picked up the knife from the body
Someone rushed in with the police
He accused me that I killed someone with a knife
I was scared that I didn't know what to say
He saw it with his own eyes
Man, what have I done?
I wasn't capable of murder
I couldn't do such a thing
I had no reason at all
The police noticed my eyes was red shot
Things weren't looking good for me
My fingerprints was on the knife
The guy mentioned I was out of control
That my anger gotten the best of me
I went on a rampage
I destroyed everything in sight
I wanted revenge against my dead lover
I had it with his lies and deciet
I couldn't take it any more
Did it really happened that way?
Damn, I want the pain to go away
I don't know what to believe
I wished I can remember
The police arrested me for murder
Was I innosense?

Miguel's Family

Hopeful

Copyright © 2004 Kazz Falcon

Miguel’s Family
By Kazz Falcon

By now, some of you know that Miguel have a alcohol/drug problem. This is not about me. This is not about his family. This is about him and his problems.

8/27/04, Friday - Miguel called me on the phone. He mentioned that the night before he CONFESSED to Marcelia and her family about his drug problem; only the kids doesn’t know. He demanded that they can’t tell his other family members. Olga, are you listening?

I really believed it is a big mistake. They must tell everyone in his family. It wasn’t fair for either Olga and me, personally if they keep the so called secret from the rest of the family. Olga and I have friction; she doesn’t like me for “spreading hateful lies about Miguel in person and the web.”

Marcelia, please tell the whole family. Everyone will be better off, mostly Miguel, Olga and me. Then, Olga will stop believing I am the bad guy. Last year and few weeks ago, I told Olga in a letter/post card that he has a drinking problem.

Olga confronted him about the letter. Miguel covered up the truth to her. She believed HIS LIES!

Few months later, Miguel mentioned to me that Olga WANTED an apology from me.

Well, Olga. Sorry, but you are NEVER gonna to get one from me. All this time, I was telling the truth and Miguel lied to you.

The fact is I AM NOT ALONE ANYMORE! What do I mean by that? Miguel alcohol/drug problem is no longer my burden. After all, Marcelia and her family knows the truth!

Olga, therefore, you can’t see me as the VILLAIN! I have one thing to say to you.

IN YOUR FACE, OLGA!

Olga, I won’t say sorry about his drinking. But, honestly, I ole your family and you an apology for SOMETHING ELSE. Yes, I lied about the trip.

Sometimes, we need to lie. Why I lied? Because Miguel will track me down. I didn’t want any part of him whatsoever. His drinking DROVE ME AWAY!

Once again, this is not about his family or me. It is about Miguel himself.

It is best that everyone knowsabout his drinking, including the kids. The friction with Olga and me will FINALLY end.

Like the old saying, the truth will set you free.

Miguel promised Marcelia that he will stop using drugs. Honestly, I really don’t see that happening. I have been around Miguel long enough to know better. He made me homeless. October 2001, he was driving drunk. He lost the car, his job and his apartment.....oops, our apartment. December 2001, He moved back to Olga’s and left me on the street.

Olga, are you listening? I have every right to be MAD at him. No one have the right to be MAD at me, Olga. Got that? Yes, the truth hurts.

Do you know what? I wasn’t angry at all. I was grateful to be homeless. I was FINALLY free from his drinking problem. I wasn’t happy living with him.

Thank God! I was homeless for six months in early 2002. God gave me a much needed break. September 11, 2002 - he gave me my own Section 8 apartment on Waterloo.

I am MUCH BETTER off without Miguel in my life. After today, Miguel may not be in the life any more. As long he continues drinking and doing drugs, I don’t want him in my life.

My life with Miguel is over since the day he made me homeless. I really don’t need him in my life nor his family. I am doing better without his family and him.

You need to confront him as the WHOLE family. Some certain family is hurting him and themselves in the long run. Vice versa. Some family believed I was lying. That’s right, Olga!

You ALL need to come together, including the kids, to help him AT ANY COST.

Please help him before it’s too damn late. Death may be lurking.

This is a fair warning. Miguel wants to move to Palm Springs. That really tells me that he want NO HELP at all. Honestly, Miguel is RUNNING AWAY from his problems.

Marcelia’s family haven’t see Miguel in three full years, nor me. We lost many years without Miguel and without each other. Do you want it to be another three years,five years, seven years or something else will happen like suicide?

His life is really out of control. Few days ago, even Marcelia’s family noticed it. I didn’t even to tell them! They learned on their own. So badly, I wanted to tell them in the post card, the same post card I sent to Olga.

At this very moment, he don’t want to stop. He doesn’t want to let go of the past. He covered up his pain by drinking and drugs. All this time, he really believed that his family doesn’t love him because he is gay. Even the friction with Keiko and their mother made him to drink and do drugs. I, myself, believed they don’t love him.

I don’t expect for Miguel to get help any time soon. He haven’t hit rock bottom yet. Yes, he tasted it a few times already. Yet, he keep on depending on some friends for help.

June 2004 - I tried my best to help him. I took him in for a while. Man, that was the biggest mistake of my life. I was hoping he already change for the better. In reality, I was just fooling myself. Sometimes, he will come home drunk from the clubs. I couldn’t take his drinking any longer. I wasn’t happy living with him. It was a living nightmare. So, I kicked him out. He left on June 13, 2004, Sunday

Few days later, he called me. He begged me for another chance. I was STUPID ENOUGH to let him to come back. The freaking problem started again!

August 2004 - One Saturday night, my friends and I saw him drunk on the street. Miguel was waiting for me to come home. I finally made up my mind. He will not stay with me anymore. Later, I found out from some neighbors that the police escorted him out of the complex because he was drunk. He left an alcohol bottle behind.

The next few days, I didn’t talk to Miguel at all. I was really angry at him. Thanx to him, I could have lost my place. He will have made me homeless AGAIN! He didn’t take a shower, had any clothes on him or money! Hey! Somebody needs to give him tough love. Once again, he tasted rock bottom. I refused to talk to him. I won’t even let him to pick up some clothes.

Miguel found a place to crash. Hmm, he was depending on a friend. What’s that? Oh, yes. Co-dependency. It was another sign of alcoholism. A week later, he finally picked up his things on a Friday evening. He was a big mess. We didn’t talk much.

Miguel was in the restroom. I put a letter in the side pocket of his place. Later, he found the letter. I grabbed it from him. I didn’t want him to read it right now. I put the letter in my shorts.He was in the restroom again. This time around, I put the letter on top of his clothes in his bag. He rested for a while on my bed. He watched TV for a little while.

Miguel was ready to go to the bus stop. I offered to walk him. He can’t carried the two bags by himself. We waited for Bus 304. The bus came. I put the bag on ths bus. He mentioned he will call me when he get home. I stayed on the bus till the next stop. I went home. A while later, he called.

Much later in the night, Miguel called again and THANK ME for the letter. He knows he has a drinking problem. The next day, we chatted for a while. I mentioned I can’t help him in any way. I was sick and tired of his drinking. He mentioned that he need to help himself first. He can’t get the help he needs. He doesn’t want any help with the problem.

Miguel loves drugs/drinking more than he loves us. ALCOHOL IS A DRUG TOO.

Miguel, now you know why I don’t love you any more. There was no way to love you. Your drinking ended our love long time ago. It DESTROYED our love AND my life. Your love is not worth the pain and suffering. I am much better without you in my life. Good riddance, Miguel.

The rest is up to you, Miguel’s family. This is about Miguel, not us.

This is the best time to have an intervention. What are you going to do?

One Year Anniversary

Happy

This is my first entry. Don't worry. I won't probe you - not yet anyway! LOL I came in this world in 1969, where I, somehow, born to human beings! I don't have the slightest ideal how that happen. Then again, I should know. I am an alien. hehe I travelled through many miles to get where I am comfortable in life. Some humans just don't treat me right. I left home to find my own kind of aliens. I am a gentle soul with love to offer. I got to go now. Till the next time, I seek out love, peace and understanding among the humans.


What u just read was my FIRST EVER POST on August 27, 2003.

Yeah, today was my one year anniversary of EARTH JOURNAL!

Time sure flies when we have fun. Some months, I was not active in this journal.

There was nothing to write if life is that freaking boring.

I promised I will do my best to be active for this journal.

After all, it's all about me and then some! Gossip! Scandals! Juicy bits! Fun facts! Even the BIZARRE!

Congratulations to me!

Drug problem

Surprised

9:48 PM - Miguel called me. He wanted to say goodnight, I love you. I asked him about toight. She cooked lots of food; they had a wonderful meal.

His family really like me. Marcelia ALWAYS likes me since day one. They are proud of me; they liked my apartment.

All this time, he thought his brother hate him for being gay. Nope, he loves him no matter what.
He brought up that Mikey knows that he is gay. His brother was mad at him for telling him. It wasn't Mikey's business to know.

His family noticed he wasn't the same person; they want the OLD Miguel back. Miguel explained he had a drug problem. He met the "drug friends" at the clubs. He like shooting up a lot. It made him to feel good. HE told them that he will try to quit. I doubt that. His family loves him very much and cares for him. He doesn't like his life at all; it is going down in the toilet.

He may moved to Palm Springs. He can live at his friend's house. He can get a job; there are many restuarants. In a way, he doesn't want to move; he will miss me.

The End?

By Kazz Falcon

I had a good run at the movies
I was a popular actor
My fame wandered away
Some other dude took my place
I was no longer in the spotlight
I wanted the fame to last
Then again, nothing lasts forever
I was depressed
I won't have the attention of the fans
I never thought that day will come
I loved being an actor
It was time for something else
I need to start over
Man, why does it need to end?
I was comfortable in the spotlight
The fame was really over for me
I became a Regular Joe
I won't cry because the fame's over
I smiled because it happened!
It wasn't the end

Another Lifetime

By Kazz Falcon

I went back to the past
Things were quite different
Back then, I was homeless
I managed to survive the street
I had my own place in Hollywood
I grown a lot since then
I became a better person - physically and mentally
Life couldn't be any better
I was proud I accomplished many things
I couldn't make it without the shelter's help
I won't forget the experience
It's hard not to
The shelter came at a much needed time
I was grateful to have the shelter
I continued on the right path
I wasn't the same person
I won't mess up ever again
Or I will not depend on someone's help
I have to make it on my own
I felt so good to succeed
Sometimes, we need to go back to the past
We won't forget our roots
After all, it was another lifetime

8/25/04 Wed

Happy

6 AM - I woke up early. I ate some honeycombs and drank milk. I checked the posts online.

7:45 AM - I went to the bus stop. The 304 bus didn't even stop for us! The nerve of them! I said, "DAMN!" A lady mentioned it was rude. The Sunset bus showed up. I pondered to take it or not. I made up my mind. Oh well, I may be late. I took it to Civil Center. The subway took me to Beverly/Vermount.

Wow, I was too early! I got there at 8:30 AM. Eric signed me in. I waited in the big area. To past up the time, I did my art. Eric showed up, "Another five minutes for people to show up." We went to the courtroom about the job interview. I was quite bored with it. One lady won't even shut up at all; she kept on going and going. The class lasted till 10 AM. So, I went home. I noticed the tape wasn't in the VCR! It was a good thing I came home when I did.

8/24/04 Tuesday

Happy

6:40 AM - I woke up. I ate some cereal and drink milk. I went online for a while. It was cold, but not that cold. I left the coat behind unlike yesterday. I went to same way to Path. This time, I was the first one there. Other came. Eric, a worker, said, "We should wait about 5 minutes for more people to show up." Of course, more showed up. Molly explained we will take a test on the computer. We took our stuff with us.

We sat down at the computers. I zoomed the test. There was about 137 questions. I was done first. Eric printed out the test. Eric complimented it was good to be artistic. ALL RIGHT! I mostly answered Hollywood stuff like a play, acting, singing, dancing. The test was right on the money! Hollywood is so me! The next test was short, mostly about work. Achievement was the most important to me. Once again, the test was right. about me. Molly asked, "Do I need a resume?" I said, "Nope." But I will love to get off the lazy money. It will make me to feel so good.
I went back to the main room and waited. Others came back in doves. The flamboyant black guy finally arrived. He just took both tests. I was the first one to talk at Eric's desk. He wanted to update my file. He expalined that the teacher was on vacation; he will be back by Sept 6. I was all set now. Good, two more days to go. Damn, that was fast. I was there about 40 minutes. I had time to get some burrentos. I took the subway to Ralphs. Nah, it wasn't worth it. 3 for $1. I walked to Food For Less. I hit the jackpot. 4 for .98 cent! I brought a truckload.

I went home. Ron showed up to use the computer. I watched the soaps and ate two burrentos. Miguel called me; he claimed he will always loves me. He started to cry and hung up! I forgot to ask about the money. I still need to know! Then I can fill out his papers for housing! Funny thou, I asked him about housing; he didn't call them yet. Ron went home. I went online for a while.

Mike called me about 3 PM to come over. Ron showed up again to play video games. Mike showed up for the computer. I played video games with Ron. The game was so loud. I turned it down. Later, Mike revealed he can't think when the game was loud. Ron and I kicked ass, we finished the whole game.

I came back from the restroom; Ron was gone. I played Joust. Ron showed up again. He picked up his special cig and left again. I watched Fox 11. Mike was finally done. I made some Mac & Cheese. We ate the food. Mike went home about 8. I watched my shows.

Time for bed! Night, guys!

8/23/04 Monday

Happy

I got up early about 6:55 AM. Once again, I hate getting up early! I am a NIGHT person! I ate some cereal. I left about 7:50 to 304. I could have went the other way to Santa Monica; it was faster. I like taking the subway. I took the subway to Wilshire/Vermount, then the subway to Beverly/Vermount. I walked to Path. I was about 15 minutes earlier. Some people was already there for the orientation. Some of them was gay. A black guy was so flamboyant!

Molly, the teacher, showed up and explained everything. 30 minutes laters, the fire alarm went off. Well, damn it! I really don't miss the shelter at all. A few times, the fire alarm went off when I lived there two years ago. Some things never change. Everyone went to the street. I noticed a lady from few years ago. She remembered me. Then, Sam saw me. He was happy to see me. I told him that I was here for the computer class. Sam brought up my pot belly. I rolled my eyes. It was time to get rid of it.

The place was safe. Everyone went back in. We took the test. I was the first one done. I was outta there. I remembered the tape wasn't in the VCR. Damn, I was about to miss the soaps. I was thinking of going to Ralphs for burrentos, but I wasn't feeling it. So, I made it on time for the soaps.

The rest of the day, I just relax. I took a shower. Mike called, "he want to come over tomorrow; he needs to write somethng for a book." He was pretty excited about his first book. his friend will tell her publisher about him. He has a good chance to be publish! I checked the posts/email. I was tired. I turned in early.

Human Skin

By Kazz Falcon

The human skin was taking over this alien
I have to get out of the human skin
It really doing a number on this alien
The emotions was clouding my judgment
I was losing control of my inner being
I was becoming too human for my own good
I can't give in to the human skin.
It was suffocating the life out of me
I could hardly breathe
The skin was getting too tight on me
I don't like what the skin was doing to me
I must find my own kindI truly felt trapped
Damn, I was in danger of losing myself
I don't want to lose touch with the aliens
It was ruining my chances of reuniting with the aliens
I won't remember my former self
Please! I need to go home
The skin was holding me hostage against my will
I must fight the dreadful human skin

Damn Virus

Angry

Before it gets late, nothing really happened today. It was an quite day. This afternoon, I recieved a damn virus on the computer. I used Norton Anit Virus. Well, the homepage was whacked! THe more times I fixed the homepage, it ended up on the sleaze! It was frustrated too. I thought fixing the homepage will do the trick! No way, no how!

On my slow days, I will post my art in Earth Journal


Different Set Of Rules
By Kazz Falcon

It was so true for gays/straights people
Gays can't be lovey dovey in public
Straights can
Gays can't be married
Straights can
Gays can't raise children
Straights can
Gays can't be themselves
Straights can
Gays don't have enough rights
Straights do
It have been like this FOREVER
When will the rules end?
We must do something
The rules weren't fair for the gays
I know what you were going to say"Life isn't fair"
We had the power to make it better
Let’s grant the gays the same set of rules

Lost Document

By Kazz Falcon

This morning, I was pretty upset with me.
I wrote a beautiful poem about Strange Presence.
I paid more attention to the web than the art.
I closed the document.
For some reason, it didn't save my art.
Damn, I quickly opened it up.
The worst happened, the art wasn't save at all.
I got mad and screamed out loud.
I couldn't believe I lost the art.
I tried to remember the poem.
I didn't have such luck.
I knew the first two lines and few lines in between.
I couldn't think of the rest.
I thought too hard that I had a brain fart! LOL
That's what we get for thinking too hard.
I gave up remembering it.
I normally save each time I type something down.
This time, I didn't.
That really sucks.

8/21/04 Saturday

Happy KBIG 104

This morning, I was pretty upset with me. I wrote a beautiful poem about Strange Presense. I paid more attention to the web than the art. I closed the document. For some reason, it didn't save my art. Damn, I quickly opened it up. The worst happened, the art wasn't save at all. I got mad and screamed out loud. I couldn't believe I lost the art.

I tried to remember the poem. I didn't have no such luck. I knew the first two lines and few lines in between. I couldn't think of the rest. I thought too hard that I had a brain fart! LOL That's what we get for thinking too hard. I gave up remembering it. I normally save each time I type something down. This time, I didn't. That really sucks.

It was cool out. It just like living in San Fransico. I won't mind living there! I pondered about taking my coat. I checked the weather online. I don't need the coat. By afternoon, it will be hot. Besides, I hate carrying a coat on hot days. I took 304 bus. I played Tetris. The bus made a detour. It was time for Sunset Junction. We were in traffic about ten minnutes, then we were on our way.

A lady got on the bus at La Brea. She accidently hit me with her backpack and sat down. I looked at her. She mentioned she was sorry. Then her friend sat besides her. I won Tetris for the upteenth time! Man, I was that good now. I got off the bus. I picked up the mail. Miguel FINALLY got some mail! Then again, it wasn't the mail he wanted - his ID. I opened up his mail. Good, they sent the application. I went to the bus stop. I went through the application. I can do the application for him when I get home. I mostly know about his situation. The bus picked us up.

I looked at the application really good. All I need to know about much money Miguel gets. That was the one thing I don't know. The rest was easy to fill out. I put it in the packback. The bus took a detour. Mike called me. I told him that he can come over. He can't wait to do the guy's chart. I mentioned he needs to go to another way. Silverlake was a big mess. I told him that Sunset Juction was this weekend. He will take third to Alvarado. We hunged up. I just went home.

8/20/04 Friday

Happy

I didn't do anything that much today. I mostly tend to my art all day long. I did a good number of art in a long time. That was fagulous. I watched the soaps like always. I checked Earth Journal for more art. It was really a slow day; nothing much to talk about. Mike called me after 5 PM. I lied that Miguel was here. I told him I can send Miguel on his way. Mike laughed! He was still researching the one guy's chart. He will come over this weekend.

I listened to the radio. I was online. I got depressed. Some life I had. There wasn't nothing much to the life. Same old crap. Maybe, my life will change for the better when I move to Sunset/Western. I really hope so. I had a fun time at Gower few years ago. My friends came over all the time about every day. These days, I hardly see any of them

Well, this one was a very short one. I mentioned there was nothing much to talk about.

So, I was signing off...........good night.

Invalid Gay Marriages

By Kazz Falcon

August 12, 2004, Thursday was a sad day
California Supreme Court voided all gay marriages
Yes, the gays was disappointed
We still have a long road to travel
We won’t stop from getting what we want
We want Equal Rights, the same rights as straights
They truly believed they was still married
No one can’t take their license away
We earned the license to marry
We want the luxury of a marriage
"Till death do us apart"
It’s logically for a couple to get married
It shows the people that they are truly in love
Yet, most states wouldn’t change their marriage law
We must go elsewhere to have a wedding
It wasn’t wrong for anyone to be married
Why should we deny the right?
It was about us, our love and our freedom
That is what matters the most
We will prevail to equal rights and gay marriages


Copyright © 2004 Kazz Falcon

Hypocrite

By Kazz Falcon

That's me
I was the world's biggest hypocrite!
I said one thing
I ended up doing something different
I need a gun
I must pull the trigger on myself
That's how stupid I was
I really hate myself
I disgusted myself
I can't stand looking at me in the mirror
Why do I keep on?
I sunk to a new low
One of these days, it will cost me my life
I was asking for punishment
Some weakness will die for
I need to get my head examine
I know better than to give in to the weakness
I can't continued on
Yet, I do
I was one sick puppy
All thanks for being a damn hypocrite


Copyright © 2004 Kazz Falcon

World's Biggest Hypocrite

Angry

World's Biggest Hypocrite.

That's me! I became an sorry excuse for an human being! I have to get out of the human skin. It really doing a number on this alien. I was losing control of my inner being. I was becoming too human for my own good. I can't give in to the human skin. It was taking over this alien.

Miguel called me about same old crap. Nope, it didn't came. He mentioned he was horny. I made an dumbass move; I invited him over for a little while. Yesterday, I promised myself no sex at all. Today, look at me. I was thinking with Jack, instead of my brain. He will be over in 90 minutes. I stayed online for a little while. I took a quick shower. I heard the phone rang. Damn, he can't be here already. 90 minutes wasn't that fast.

I ran to get the phone. I almost fell two times from being all wet. The phone rang again. He was at Alvarado. I dried myself quickly. I jumped into my clothes and ran out of the door. My neighbor was going out too. He held the door for me. We saw another neighbor walking the door. They both talked as I hurried to the corner to meet Miguel. I waited for a while. Miguel haven't show up. The neighbor was coming. So far, no Miguel. He crossed the street to wait for the bus. I thought Miguel was at the chinese place. Nope, I walked back to the corner.

The neighbor was still at the bus stop. I waited at the corner. I saw 304 bus passed by. I figured Miguel was on the bus. I almost cross the street till I heard someone called out my name. It was Miguel, up the street from my place. He wanted me to go to him. Man, why should I? He could have walk to me. I was hungry. He wanted me to go to his sister for the weekend. I didn't say nothing. I don't want to face his sister. We got something at the Chinese place, then we went home.

Miguel took off his clothes for a quick shower. I ate shrimp fried rice in a bowl. We had sex. I cleaned myself up. He asked, "Do you hate me?" I mentioned I didn't. I said to myself, I really hate myself for being a damn hypocrite! He rested for a while. He wanted sex again. I was tired. He took another shower. I joined him in the shower for sex. He was moarning alot. We washed ourselves. I dried myself off first, I handed Miguel a new towel. He went Yahoo. Before he got there, I deleted his AOL screen name. He had some trouble chatting; it was different from AOL!

I watched my soaps. He rested for a while. Mike called me; he can't come over right now because he was here. Instead, this weekend will be best for him. He need to send an email to this guy. .I was online. He finally ate his chinese food. He rested more. He got dressed. He was online again. I checked the mail. Finally, I got some mail! I haven't get any mail in a week. I went in my place and opened the bill. Man, I was so cheap that the gas bill was cheapest! LOL. I mentioned I have no milk. Miguel offered to buy me some. Man, I was a good actor! He will STILL do anything for me. Ohhh, how sweet! hehe. We walked to 7/11. He wanted me to walked him to the 304 bus stop. I refused, I don't want to walk with the milk.

He wanted to buy a wine bottle. There wasn't any, except wine coolers. I persauded him to get the wine coolers. He can have one; I can have the rest. We walked to the corner. He grabbed an wine cooler. I brought up his sister, she was dead set against me of going to her place. She was still mad at me. Miguel changed his mind; he will wait till he get his unemployment check. We parted ways. I put the wine coolerin the frig. I finished the food. I was online again and watched FOX11. I drank an wine cooler as I continued Earth Journal. He called me during King Of Queens. He was home now. He waited 45 mintues for 304 bus. He may come over this weekend. I told him earlier that I have other plans.

Life Story

Copyright © 2003 Kazz Falcon

The ABFAB story of The Queen

My name is Kazz Falcon. I was born in DFW, Texas, I left FW in my early 20's and moved to Dallas; there was nothing for me in boring FW! I spent the early 90's in Dallas two times and moved to Hollywood, the land of broken dreams and famous people! After three years, I moved to New Orleans for two months then back home to Hollywood. I lived all over LA (Downtown LA, West Hollywood, Hollywood, Echo Park, Silverlake) and went back to boring FW for two longest boring months of my freaking life! Once again, I headed back to Hollywood in 1999. I have been here ever since!

The reason I moved back to Hollywood, it is so me and there are lots of things to do! I wouldn't trade Hollywood for anything! Growing up I spent alot of time playing Atari 5200, I was quite good. I watched lots of TV too; the TV was actually my friend. I hardly hang out with the other kids on the block. I don't miss anything about FW, except my good friends in Dallas! :-)

Here are some pieces of the life story. Enjoy!

BRAND NEW! 1. Running Away - I thought that Linda Harris’s accident was a blessing in disguise. In reality, I was just prolonging the pain and suffering by running away and letting Miguel Garcia’s drinking continue to be my problem.

2. Ted & Chris - I broke up their relationship. I had sex with Chris.

3. Shoplifting - My late teens adventures. I was quite good at shoplifting.

4. Family 1999 - The most two boring months ever in my life in 1999.

To be continued.......one of these days.

Warning! Please read!

Quiet

I got this from an yahoo group.

Subject: IMPORTANT MESSAGE! PLEASE READ!
Date: 13 Apr 2004 11:00:33 -0500

I received this message today from a friend. It really is an important message for me to forward on because I have noticed that many of my friends send me things that they have received from other friends. While it seems easy to just click "forward" and put our friend's names in the TO: Field of our email program's address box, it really can be a dangerous thing to do.

The following story illustrates just how dangerous it can be. Please read it. I am placing these instructions before the story so that you will know how to forward your email in the future.

Before you forward this message or any other message to someone, please do the following:

1. REMOVE all email addresses that were forwarded or sent to you on the message.

Use the delete key, or the editing functions on your email program after hitting the forward button.

2. DO NOT use the TO field to send the mail on. USE T! HE BCC FIELD! This means "Blind Carbon Copy." It will list only the name of each individual receiver on the email. NOBODY ELSE'S email address will be shown. To use BCC simply click BCC instead of TO.

It works just the same. If you add names from your address book, just add them to the BCC field instead of the TO field. As an added bonus of using this feature, your email message won't have all those addresses at the beginning. No one will have to scroll through the addresses to get to the message that you have sent. Please take the time to read this. It could prove to be very important.

The following individual asked not to be identified, but she asked that this letter be forwarded to anyone who does not BCC (blind carbon copy) email ... and to spread the word.

Please read this; it is NOT a joke.

Late one evening, while online, I received an IM Internet message) from a gentleman who said he knew me through mutual pals on line. We chatted for an hour or so before deciding to keep in touch, as we had so many things in common, I eventually, after a week or so of knowing him, trusted him with my name (first name) and phone number; after all, he knew my friends and I felt he must have been OK if they all liked and knew him. He knew a lot about them, he knew a lot about me, and he knew a lot about a lot! He seemed like such a nice person, a pleasant person, and someone whom I felt very comfortable sharing my time online (and on the phone) with.

One night, a friend from our group of friends invited me to a chat room where several of the friends had gathered and were chatting when this gentleman popped into the chat room. He popped in and then left quickly. Then, for the first time since I metand started chatting with him, I mentioned him to one of the friends who was in the chat room, one whom this gentleman claimed association with. She was in total awe, she did not know who he was! Things were beginning to look really suspicious.

The more she and I chatted, the more suspicious I became. It also became apparent that this guy knew none of us. Suddenly, he disappeared off-line for a few days...then one day he pops back in and sends me an IM saying that we need to talk. He called me at my home and I was very upset, so I asked him how he really found me and why he had felt the need to lie in the first place.

THIS IS WHERE YOU ALL NEED TO PAY ATTENTION: He told me that he spotted my screen name on a forward that one of my friends sent to someone else. My screen name is what attracted him. He then used the screen name of others on the list of forwards to acquaint himself with me and various others from our clique of friends. He also used the member directory (at AOL) to look up info about others on the list of forwards, so not to look suspicious. He said he felt it was the only way he would have the chance to get to know me, and the main attraction to me was "My Screen Name" because he thought it was "sexy"! I was upset, needless to say, as I had trusted this man with my personal info ... such as phone number and name. He also knew where I lived (thanks to the phone bill) and I was now his prey!

A few days after having last talked to this person and thinking that was the last of him, I received a phone call at 4:00 am, it was this man telling me he was in town to see a friend who lived 20 minutes from my house, and wanted to know if I would like to meet him for coffee or breakfast. When I told him it was not such a good idea, he became irate and hung up on me. I immediately called him back (caller ID) and explained to him that my husband was back home (trying to scare him) and please not be so mad! (In fear of him and what he might do).

Telling him that my husband had returned and we were reconciling was a lie, and I told him that to make him think I was not alone! Imagine the feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach when he came back with the following response "You're a lying bitch, your husband is not there with you. You are alone!" I hung up on him and immediately called the County Sheriff's office and told them what had happened. They sent an officer over to take a report and said that was really all they could do for me at that time.

I went to my sister's home for the night. Fifteen or twenty minutes after I arrived at her home, I received a phone call from this man again! He knew I called the Sheriff and reported him, and he knew where I was and he knew my sister and her husband's names!! People, let me tell you something, this man had been stalking me for weeks and I had no idea! I walked, ate, slept and breathed in constant fear until he was finally arrested for stalking! Not for stalking me! Nope! For stalking another lady! I wanted to share this with you all. And yes, it is all true.

Friends, when you forward things and you leave your friends names out in plain view like that, you are putting THEM and YOURSELF in what could be grave danger. I hope I have gotten this message across; as I have not even begun to mention his assault (rape, using deadly force) charges the detectives uncovered on him while investigating his prior history!!!

People, please!!! Be safe, be careful and BLIND CARBON COPY (BCC)!!!!!

8/18/04 Wednesday

Happy

I woke up about 6:30 AM. It was too early for me. I fell back to sleep till 8:30 AM. I skipped breakfast. Sometimes, I won't eat breakfast. Yes, I know! Breakfast is the most important meal for the day. I started the day early without breakfast. I have things to do today which I put off yesterday. You know, my off day! On the way to the bus stop, Miguel called me, wishing me a happy day. I mentioned I was on the way to the post office. He was happy to hear that.

Sex popped in my mind. I realized it wasn't a good ideal for sex with him. It wasn't in our best interest. To this day, he is still drinking his brain out and I can't cope it. He will used sex to get what he want. NO thanx, Miguel. I had enough of you for a lifetime! On the bus, it was Miguel again! He wondered if we could play. I said, "I don't have time." He said, "Later on." I lied, "I just can't. I have bills to pay. I have things to do." He asked, "Do u still want to? Please tell me. Do you have a boyfriend.?" I didn't answer him. I quickly said BYE!

There was no mail for Miguel. I went to Being Alive. I waited about ten minutes for help. No one was hardly there. Most of them was in back. He finally helped me. I mentioned I want hypnosis and writing class. He made a joke, "I picked the ones that I need to call them! Yes, they do it here." I told him I was here about two years ago. He asked, "Have you moved?" I said, "Yes. "He made me to fill out an change of address. I wanted to use a fake address. Instead, I used my real one.I will call them later this week. Remind me, folks! I will remind you to remind you! LOL.

I caught the bus. I pondered about the writing class. For some reason, i wasn't feeling it. I made up my mind. Since I was out, I might as well. I took the subway to Path. Someone mentioned they wasn't open. I tried anyway. The security guard asked, "What are you here for?" I showed him computer class. He asked, "You know where Pathfinders is." I lied. He told me to walk through the doors. He opened the door. I walked up to this lady. I said, "I was here for computer class." She look likeI was some kind of freak! Really, I thought she worked there. Some guy offered to help me instead.

Oh yes! I remembered him. He was new before I left Path in July 2002. He was there about a month. THe orientation is Mondays at 9 AM. It will be about four days. After that, I will take the computer class. I walked away then turned around, "Monday at 9 AM?" He said, "Yes." I walked to the bus stop. The bus was coming. A car almost him me; I ran across the gas station's parking lot. That was ALMOST my second car accident. I took the bus to Sunset. I took bus 2 home. I was hot. I just went straight home. I made it on time for All My Children. Babe gave her dad some orange juice to check; she thinks her husband, JR, wants to kill her! Adam and JR was plotting his death! They want to look like that Babe wants to kill him instead, then JR can defends his wife! Yes, folks, soaps are that damn crazy!

I watched Bold & Beautiful. Rick had it out with his ex, Amber. Rick's step brother, thomas showed up and demanded Rick to leave her alone. They got into it. Thomas thrown Rick against the wall. Ridge wants Caitlin to stop seeing Rick. Rick and Caitlin kissed; they were ready for sex. Thomas went to see Caitlin's father about you know who! Then, it just happened! We need to wait till tomorrow! LOL

I watched One Life to Live. Nora and Lindsey got into another fight. Lindsey accused her that she wants her leftovers! David broke them up. Roxie threatened Lindsey to leave her son alone; he was too young for him. I watched Y&R on tape. Nick showed up at the Rec Center to work. Paul showed Nikki the birthday movie; he truly suspects that she must know something about her childhood friend's murder.

Wayne called me during Y&R. I got off the bed. I mentioned I have some good news for him. Hollywood Community Housing can help him to find a place. I told him that Western/Sunset will accept Section 8. Who knows? We can be neighbors! That will be awesome! We always do something together. He sometimes take me to shopping at the malls when we were homeless! No, Idon't think he goes shopping every week. He sold his car. Wayne and I caught up on old times. I mentioned I see Mike, the moon and the stars guy. I don't think he ever met Peter/Brian. He was before their time at the shelter.

HE saw the computer and writing class on the piece of paper I gave him yesterday with my phone number. He asked, "Do you want to go back to school?" I said, "I want to take the classes." He said, "You can take it at the gay center. You won't have to pay for it." Wayne was happy that I didn't went with him yesterday to pick up his meds; the bus broke down and he walked to the doctors. He knew I wouldn't like that. Damn straight I wouldn't! LOL. Some meds wasn't there. He will get them the next day thou. He really needs them.

Bob was in his final stages of AIDS. Yet, Bob was still hanging in there. Charles said Hi again! Charles is Wayne's long time friend. I invited both of them to see my place. He will call me later. I told him I don't have a boyfriend, I loved being single. Wayne mentioned that some things never changed. He only see me a slut, whore, and sex monster! hehe. Really, I wasn't any of those things! Then again, I was in the past. Wayne brought up the old shelter in Weho, "only if the walls could talk." I laughed. Boy, Wayne was so right about that! Target, Best Buy, Starbucks & others took the shelter's spot.

The rest of the day.......I did my normal things I do every day - soaps, online and so forth. Nothing more, nothing less. Wait till next week. My weeks will be ACTIVE! Thank God! It was about time too.

Good night.

Off Day

Happy

Today was an off day........so lazy at it! I made up my mind. Yesterday was my first AND last day at computer class. I will seek something else. I thought about the other class I took few years ago. I bet I could go back; I wasn't a problem at all. That class have a teacher AND a book unlike yesterday.

How can I learn when there was no one was around to teach class? I could teach myself, but I need to learn from a book. Learning on the computer wouldn't cut it for me. If I was stuck on something, I always can COUNT on the book no matter what. I wanted to drop by the shleter today. I wanted an off day. There won't be an writing class for tonight either. Tomorrow, I will sign up for both, including the Hypnosis at Being Alive.

There were some things I want to sort out from my past through hypnosis. I can let go off the anger and the past. Some things I want to be sure it did happen too like the attempted murder in the 1970's. I hoped I didn't imagine any of it from the past. Man, I had lots of anger. If it didn't happen thou, I wasted so much time to be ANGRY over nothing! Most of the anger is toward dear old mommy. Yet, I kept on running away from the past and I wanted no part of my mom either. With hypnosis, I can confront the past and stop running away from the past. Then, I will be a happy person.

Also, I won't bite my nails that much; it was a bad habit I have. I bite the nails to the very end, searching for gold! LOL. I will like to become a better talker; all my life, my tongue was so lazy! hehe. I have so many stories. I want to bring out within too. There was one story, Chilly The Iceberg, I have been trying to remember. Few years ago, I accidently threw the story away. For the life of me, I can't remember the wonderful story. I wanted to be a better writer and typist. I still look at the keyword to type. My friend, Brian, don't need to look. I can do so much with hypnosis.

I was so hungry that I made cupcakes. Miguel called me about 2:24 PM. He wondered if he was bothing me. I told him that I was in the middle of baking cupcakes. Miguel said, "For whom?" I said. "No one at all." He didn't believed me. He put on our favourite song, Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings. That song will always remind me of him. OKAY! Miguel needs to get over me. He asked, "Did I get something?" Nope, nothing at all. I asked, "Did you take an AIDS test?" He still refused to take one. He needs one for HIV Housing. Well, I gave up on helping him.

Few weeks ago, I mentioned he need to appy for housing to get off the damn street. He have been going from place to place; he won't go to a shelter or his sister's. He wants to count on people for help. Miguel, hear me, I won't help you any more! He should have take the AIDS Test by now. The sooner he gets one, the sooner he can apply for housing. He don't have an ID at all; he was mugged couple months ago. He didn't even tell the police either. I won't even bother to bring up housing or the test. He mentioned that I don't need to worry about him; I won't any longer.

Mike came over to use the web. He had some emails to do; he recieved an recommend from a fellow astrology - Mike was the best to help him with the moon and the stars. I watched TV and cooked us Mac & Cheese. I laid in bed, watching Trading Spouses & That 70's Show. Mike left at 10 PM. I watched my favourite reality show, THE AMAZING RACE! I checked the messages in the forums. Jermahon accidently told me that Charla/Mirna was the last team! Oops! She was sorry thou. No biggie thou. I know the power of the web; the information is fastest on the web. It happened a few times.

Miguel called me again about mail; I wasn't paying that much attention to him. I was more interest in the Amazing Race than him. LOL. He thought my boyfriend was here. What boyfriend? I don't have one. He mentioned if I can't talk, tell him. That was my day. Off to Taxi then bed time. Night, all.

8/16/04 Monday

Happy

I woke up earlier (6:30) than the set alarm clock at 6:55 AM. I wanted to go back to sleep. Instead, I laid in bed for a little while. I took a shower. I went online to check the messages in the forums. My neighbor's one year old kid walked in my place. I told Ronald to come in too. The mother came along; she was running late. I put out my arms. The sweet kid did the same thing. I picked him up and take him outside to his mother. I went back inside and finished the messages.

9 AM - I caught the Sunset bus, then the train to Vine. I played Tetris on the bus bench, good old Tetris till It was time to go to class. I wasn't sure what door to go to. I thought it was the resident's gate. I looked at the address again. The way was in the alley. I rung the doorbell; no answer. I did it again. Finally, the lady answered the door. I explained I was here for the computer class. She let me in.

I sat at the table. Man, the room was so hot. I begun to sweat. Well, I know I have to wear shorts from now on in class. I just can't handle the heat that well. A guy came out later; he recognized me at Waterloo. He brings the donated food to the apartments. He was one handsome dude, very muscular! He mentioned that Katrina was running late. Yolando was happy to see me; she gave me a bottle of water. Katrina finally showed up. We went to her desk. Oops, the programs was already on the computer. We went back to the desk.

I first started off on Windows 2000. After a while, I don't need to learn 2000. I was already on Windows XP Home. I closed down Windows 2000 and opened up XP. It was quite hard. I was stuck a few times. I got frustrated and MAD! Boy, I didn't want to scream at the computer! LOL. I kept the anger at an minimum. I really didn't like the computer class at all. I was the only one there. Top it all, I need to learn on the computer. I will rather to learn by the book. I may see if they have something at the bookstore.

I heard the workers talking about lunch. Hmm, lunch! I checked my watch, 12:08. I was hungry too. I wanted to leave. I saw Yolando put out her cigerette. She came in. I told her that I was leaving for lunch. She mentioned she will be at the apartment later on. So, I left. I walked to the bookstore on Vine/Sunset. Nope, they didn't have it. I waited for the bus. I stood up on the bus. People got off the bus. I finally sat down near the back door. We arrived at Western.My friend said, "Hi," and got off the bus.

I was suprised to see my long time friend. I haven't see Wayne in a few years. The last time was in Beverly Hills; he checked about his first parking ticket and Miguel and I was there for Miguel's court date. We chatted for a while. He thought I was out all night cruising. WRONG! hehe. I wasn't same person when we first met. I wasn't interest of cruising unlike the old days. I wanted to go with him; I have nothing else to do. He declined, he was picking up his meds on Wilshire. He mentioned that his apartment building was sold. He have no ideal what will happen to his Section 8 housing.

I wondered about his car. Wayne sold it; he can't drive any more. He was on too many meds. Wayne was his funny self; he wanted to kill people with his car! LOL. I gave him my number. He will call me later this week. We hugged and parted ways. His bus came first. I should have stayed on my bus! I just wanted to go home. Then again, it was nice to see old friends. I thought about taking the subway home, but the bus came. I went home. I saw my friend, Ken, going out with his dogs. He thought I was in school; nah, just the computer class. I told him I didn't like it. He agreed that it is good to take the class with a few people. He wants to go back to school. He needs someone to walked his dogs.

I went in my place. The VCR was still taping. It was only 1:45. I waited till 2 to watched my soaps. I ate a peanut better sandwich. I was done with the soaps by 4:35. I was online for a while. I fell asleep during The Simpsons. My new favourite show, The King Of Queens, woke me up. I loved KOQ very much. It was a funny show. I loved it! My ex got me started on that show.

Doug and the next door neighbor fought over the fense. Doug didn't like the fense was higher. Then, he put in a new swimming pool. Doug and his wife, Carrie, was too hot at their place; no AC. Carrie wanted to see the neighbors as much Doug wanted to use their pool to cool off! Doug's friends used the pool. Doug used the pool alone. At night, Carrie left the court papers on the ball. The ball went into the pool with the papers. Carrie got the papers. She stuck her feet in the pool. The water felt so good thatshe took a swim. The neighbors caught her. She served the papers any way. LOL

I was still tired that I laid in bed, watching TV. I was online for a while. I watched TV in bed. I was hungry. I fixed myself a TV dinner. I watched Summerland, another fagulous show. The rest of the day, I was online, then bed time. I may not go to the computer class at all. I may go to the shelter about their class instead. They learned by the book. Well, that was my day.

Today was Madonna's birthday. Happy birthday, Madonna! Oprah started her jury duty in Chicago for a murder trial! She hopes it doesn't take more than a week; she have her talk show to do for the new season. Well, Oprah, I think all murder trials will last more than a week. It was delay the start of her new season!

Talk to you guys later. Good night. Sweet dreams.

8/15/04, Sunday

8/15/04, Sunday
Happy

I woke up about 7 AM. My damn watch woke me up. I hate getting up early. I love to sleep late. I normally goes to bed after 12 Midnight. Some nights, I stayed up as late as 1 AM or 2 AM. Once I woke up, I am always tired. Starting tomorrow, I need to wake up early for computer classes thou. I may tune in bed early tonight. Yeah, right! Who was I fooling? I will stay up till I get sleepy.

I checked the message. Nope, it wasn't Miguel. Mike left a message, "I will come over tomorrow." That's fine. I knew I won't be going to the volleyball game with my friends in Venice Beach. There is always the next weekend. Yeah, right! Who was I fooling? Something else will come up this Sunday.

I ate Pops in bed and read the soap magazines. I checked the messages in the forums. I had a few. One was interesting. She mentioned that the 70's and 80's are now CONSIDERED to be oldies! I can't accept it. I grew up in the 70's and the 50's/60/s were the oldies. Last night, her post blown me away. To me, the 50's/60's are the TRUE oldies. Few years ago, I listened to the oldies radio station. I heard a 70's song on the station; I think it was Billy Idol's Mony. It creep me out. I figured they played the wrong song.

Ronald showed up at the door. I can win a free DVD. We went to ABC7 site. We both applied for Kill Bill Vol 2 and put in the password. The movie was on it's way. I continued checking the forums. Mike finally called at 3:22 PM, "I will come now." I mentioned that I cooked for us last night. He thought I made him to feel guilty. Nah, I will never do that, will I? Hmm, who was I kidding? lol

I hunged up the phone. I put the rest of the food in the microwave. Oh well, Mike wasn't here to eat the steak and mashed potatos. I ate the food any way. I was hungry. Mike arrive an hour later. I sign off to let him to go online. He was sweating badly; I turned on the AC. He have a long ass email to write! Next few hours, I read the other SOD issue. I ate the frozen pops.

I turned on Oliver Beene. I love that show; Fox doesn't give that show a chance. I went to shave in the restroom. It was about that time. I hate shaving! I switched over to the 300 episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. Who ever thought that show will last over 14 years? I sure didn't. The Bob Segat version is better. I don't like this host all. I don't think Tom Bergeron was funny enough. Mike finally finished his email and went home. I got online and did the usual stuff I always do.

Tonya Pinkins

Sad
The Heights - How do You Talk To An Angel.

I was supposed to write this yesterday. I still get teary eyes from the article in Soap Opera Digest (August 17, 2004) about Tonya Pinkins.

For the lady, she have been through the wringer with her ex. I don't mean about the divorce or their kids. She lost custody of the kids to Ron Brawer in 1993.

By 2002, she have two more kids. She was on welfare, awash in debt, barely able to a roof over her kids. Yet, she was suffocating under the weight of her still-trenchant anger toward Brawer.

I saw the similarties in her life and mine. Yes, I have no kids or have a ex husband, but I was on welfare to this day. So badly, I can taste to get off the lazy money.

She had so much anger that she wanted revenge against her ex husband. Yet, it wasn't doing her any good at all. The bitterness wasn't hurting Brawer; it was poisoning her! It is basicly the same thing about my ex.

So much, I wanted revenge too. It was consuming my life with too much time and ways of hurting him. I sent Olga an letter to hurt him. In turn, Olga truly believed I was saying untruthful things about him. In reality, I know the truth about Miguel. Yet, they want to refuse to believe the truth.

Recently, I sent Olga a post card..........this time, under good thoughts! Last week, Miguel read the same letter I hid in his bag. Few days later, Miguel called me and thank me for the letter.

While he stayed with me for a while, old wounds opened......and wanting revenge came back. I was tempted by revenge. I just avoid it by trying to be there for Miguel. It was hard thou. My main concern was to get him out of my place! Things was different this time around. The apartment AND the bills are in my name unlike the Gramercy Apartment. I was kinda in control, but things got out of hand.

We fell into old habits. He counted on me for help. I promised it won't be like that again. Sex wasn't helping either. He remained the same person; I grew up some. Miguel was the destruction for me; he wanted to bring me down. In his mind, he loves me, but I don't love him.

Back to Tonya Pinkins, she got over the revenge and got her life back! Once again, she is on All My Children as Livia, an lawyer. She made a huge differance in her life. At this very moment, I was trying to do the same thing. Miguel was no longer living with me. He have been gone over two week. Last week, he picked up his things.

The bad thing - Miguel is an weakness; he was consuming my life. I have to take control of my life again!

My life is FINALLY back, partly. I want to live my life again witout any distractions or revenge on my mind. This monday, I will take computer classes AGAIN. This time, I will stick to it! I will give up the lazy money too! Hopefully, I can get a part time job too. I can have more money coming it and, eventually, I won't depend on the lazy money.

Also, I can get back to my art. Being lost is no picnic!

Tonya Pinkins, thanx for seeing that anger or revenge wasn't doing us any good. Postitive thinking is the best way and good things will come our way!

You taught me a valuable lesson about what's important!

8/14/04, Saturday

Happy
KBIG 104 - disco music

I was updating Earth Journal. Few days ago, I found out that Blogger changed the format. We have an profile, "About Me" and more. I switched the journal to a new timeplate for the new things.

I listened to KBig 104.3, the main radio station I listen to. Mike called me about my chart. HE claimed I was smarter and so forth. I really don't believe that crap. He wanted to come over tonight. I told him that he can come over now. He said he need to take a shower and he will call me when he leave.

Few hours later, I decided to cook SOMETHING different. We always have Tuna Helper, Tuna Fish Sandwich, tuna with green beans, tuna ANYTHING! I was so sick of eating TUNA!

He sure loves TUNA. As much I love Tuna Helper, I won't have it every week or so. I made mashed potatos and streak. I boiled the meat for the first time. Miguel mostly cook the meat in the boil; he was a fagulous cook. I wanted to give the boil a try.

Mike haven't show up or call. I assumed he was on his way now. I started the mashed potatos early in the hot water. By the time, I cook the mean, the potato will be soft. I put the Lawry's Seasoned Salt on both side of the meat. I think the meat was in the boil about 10 minutes.

I fixed my plate. The steak turned out to be very good. I think I will use the boil from now on. On the stove takes lots of time. The boil is FASTER! I ate at my desk, update the journal and checked out the forums. There was no signs of Mike yet. It looked like he wasn't coming. It was getting late. I left the food out for a while for him.

I talked on the phone with Brian. Peter was grocery shopping. Brian needed to be away from him for a while. Peter was getting on his nerves. I explained he can always come over to get away from Peter for a little while. YEs, I wasn't being a whore to him. Brian and I are friends. Please get your freaking mind out of the gutter! hehe.

Brian was running out of collage money too. He doesn't want to go back on GR. He wants a part time job close to his place. I suggested why not Target? He worked there over four years. I also want to work too. It was time to get off the LAZY MONEY! Yet, I have no job experience at all. See what the lazy money can do to you! LOL. Instead, he wanted to work at Ikea or Bed Bath Beyond. The discount can do wonders for his apartment.

I told him that I may move in December at the new apartments on Sunset/Western. I have a good chance of moving! No one have a problem with me. His mother don't have the internet any more. She recently lost her phone. Brian wanted her to get on a new cell plan, but she refused. She kept on going over her minutes. and he have no way ot getting in touch with her either.

Brian invited me to see a vollyball game at Venice Beach. I will go tomorrow, but I wasn't feeling it at all. It will be fun to go to the beach. I haven't been in a while. I mentioned if I don't call, that means I am not going. He invited me last week too. I didn't went either. They normally have game every week. One of this weeks, I will go. Perhaps, every week! Hmmm, seeing all the hot men boucing the balls! What a sight!

We said Goodbye to each other. We hunged up the phone. Brian will relax till Peter gets home from the grocery shopping. Well, it was so late. I finally put the leftovers in the frig. I will eat it tomorrow night. I finished updating Earth Journal after 12 midnight. I watched Married With Children, then I went straight to bed. An hour later, the vibrating phone woke me up. It can be one person - my ex, Miguel! I didn't answer the phone. I went backto sleep.

Good night!

Bloody Crap

Silly

Morning - I felt like bloody crap! No, make it - I am bloody crap. Every few months, it happened.
I have any control of it. It just happens.

I was dying a slow death of some sort. I guessed it has finally taken over my body. I became weaker each day, but I kept on trucking. I want to refocus on my life. This time, make something out of my life before it's too late.

I put off my life long time ago. I want to LIVE MY LIFE! The money sure made me lazy. It was time for a REAL living. Life haven't been fullfilling over 14 years. I must make up lost time. I want to change my life for the better.

Haven't you noticed? The art is my voice. Yet, no one heard me talking. Why? No one understand me. I do my best with my art. Some day, people will start paying attention to me. I will be on top of my game. It was time to get off the sidelines and go after my dreams!

I always wanted to be an famous artist. I have the right tools with no collage experience. Do that matter? I think not. Some peep became successful without a degree. Well, I wasn't that smart for collage. I don't think I will do any good.

Like I mentioned above, the teacher and other students may not understand me. Oh well, life goes on.

8 AM - I left home to pick up my mail. On the way, I wasn't feeling well. Damn, that bloody crap! I wanted to spend the day somewhere.......far away from home. It wasn't meant to be. I better go back home. Someone could watch over me. Miguel's ID didn't came today. He supposed to get it couple weeks ago. I think he need to see DMV in person. I think it is not coming at all.

I just went back home. I wasn't feeling it. I believed the stress finally gotten to me. I saw my friend leaving the building. We hugged. It was nice to see her. She was a sweet person. She mentioned she was on her way to NA. That's good. I wished Miguel was like her. She stuck by it over 7 years.

I was home. I put on shorts and tshirt. I ate some cereal while I do the updated Earth Journal. I can read my magazines later. Now, you know where I was at in my life. I was bloody crap! LOL.

Yes, I will come back later...........with more details of the day. Laters.

Old Journal

Happy

Good morning! It is a new day.

Oops, what was I thinking? It was only 1:05 AM. I haven't went to bed yet! Oh well!

Good night! Hold it! I wasn't going to bed now.......after this post I will.

My day ends when I go to sleep

My day begins when I wake up.

Got that?

All evening long, I updated my OLD JOURNAL!

Damn, it took me a long time. It made me so tired. I have to fix Earth Journal on Blogger too. I will do it this weekend.

Old Journal is now open for business! Please leave any comments over there. It is good to heard from other people.

Yes, there may be backlash, but I really don't care. Everyone have their own opinion and we won't see eye to eye on EVERYTHING!

We are only human.

I take it back. You guys were only human. I was just a sweet lovable alien! hehe

Okay, that was all I have to write. I need to pick up my mail and, hopefully, spend the weekend with friends.

That's it. Good night! Sweet Dreams!

Peace out.

Days Of Our Lives

Happy
Whitney Houston

Days Of Our Lives and Passions won't be on two weeks from August 16 to August 27. They will be back on August 30, Monday!

At the end of Day's today episode, we were treated to lots of previews.....I meaned LOTS! They normally do three previews each show.

For the week of Monday, August 30........this is the previews from Days Of Our Lives!

Sami tells Lucas that this is the happiest day of her life, this is the perfect day, and she knows nothing could ever ruin it.

Sami says that she’s afraid she’s jinxed it and something bad will happen. Lucas tells her not to worry, nothing bad will happen.

Later, Brandon calls, and Lucas answers the phone. Sami takes the phone and says she’s so glad he called, and that she loves him too.

Brady tells Nicole that he’s flying to Vienna to be with Chloe. We then see Brady, on the phone, and he says Chloe cannot die!

Nancy returns and tells Brady that Chloe is gone, her baby is gone. Nicole hears this and says it doesn’t matter now, as long as she is dead!

We then see an image of a bandaged Chloe in the hospital calling for Brady.

Mimi tells Belle that she thinks has uterin cancer.

Phillip tells Belle that he has to be completely honest with her. He says she is his mystery woman, he has always loved her and he always will.

Belle and Phillip kiss, which a spying Jan sends to Shawn over the computer.

Shawn breaks out of his cell when Jan opens her front door. Shawn is standing there. She asks what he is doing, and he decks her!

Patrick delivers Jen’s baby. She says it is a miracle, and she thanks him.

Roman asks Marlena if she is afraid he’s going to die? Later, Roman says if he’s going to die, than he is the one he wants to be with. Roman tells MArlena that he wants to make love to her! They then begin to make love!

Abe and Hope capture the mysterious person in the jungle who has been following them. The person has a handkerchief over their face. Hope wonders if this is their captor, and she goes to damask him. (It looks like a man, and that it is eitherTony or Jack, I’m thinking Jack)

Kate and John are at Basic Black, and they are now dressed. Kate says Marlena is dead, she is as dead as Roman and they aren’t coming back.

Bo is in his computer working. He says he knows Hope is alive, he can feel it. Bo listens to the signal and wonders why it sounds so familiar? He asks what it reminds him of, then he remembers. Bo then says Roman and Marlena are alive!

Back at Basic Black, Kate tells John that she needs his help. John says he’ll help her any way he can as a friend. She says she needs him more than a friend. She says Marlena and Roman would want them to go on without them, they would want them to be there for each other.

John and Kate begin to make love on the desk at Basic Black when Bo walks in on them. He is shocked and says they are alive, his wife and her husband, Marlena and Roman are alive! Kate promptly faints!

Tony looks at a photo of Roman and Marlena, at the island penthouse, and says “Will your loved ones rescue you in time, oh please don’t hold your breath!”

Don't forget...........2004 August 30, Monday on your local NBC station.

Favourite Links

Happy

My Favorite Links
1. ScareyKATT's Yahoo Group - anyone can join my group.
2. Gaysville - a defunct gay soap.
3. Reactions - I started a "Reactions group." I must find a place to hold the group!
4. Planet OUT - Are u out on this planet? LOL
5. Gay - Be gay from the USA
6. C1TV - Queer as Folks is the British version from C1TV. Wednesdays at 10:30 PM on Channel 39 in Los Angeles.
7. Groove Radio - Groove was on 103.1 in LA. The web has the Groove now.
8. Gaydar UK - an gay site from the UK, somewhat like Gay.com.
9. Launch - Yahoo's radio & music videos!! You can have your personal radio station on the web!!
10. BBC Radio - Sometimes, I listened to BBC radio while I'm on the web. The Archers & Mel & Sue Thing are my favorites on BBC 4!!
11. American Idol - the latest news of the idols and upcoming season!
12. Will Young - UK's first POP IDOL!!
13. Encarta - Dictionary on the web.
14. Delphi Forums -
15. Digital Spy - entertainment news from UK.
16. Poetry - A very good site for Poets.
17. WavSounds - We all played them at one time or another. Nobody use them in the AOL chats anymore. They was quite POPULAR in the late 1990's.
18. Seeing Stars - popular Hollywood site.
19. The Simpsons Achive - the latest happenings about The Simpons
20. Reality TV World - your latest news from Reality TV
21. Zone UK - your favourite games you can play on MSN for FREE! I loved Spades, Backgammon, Collapse and Chess.
22. Black People Love Us - very humorous site about the whites!
23. IFILM - they showed all types of short movies!! Be sure to sign up to watch them!
24. Black Planet - a hugely popular site for Blacks.
25. Media UK -
26. Days - my favourite soap
27. Zap - entertainment news.
28. NBC Media -
29. Loreena McKennitt - popular singer, much like Enya.
30. IMDB - movies database
31. Big Cartoon Database -
32. Sitcoms Online -
33. TV Tome -
34. Pazsaz - run down of all tv shows
35. About - What you need to know about......
36. RuPaul - Supermodel Of The World
37. TV Guide Live - Canada's version
38. Internet Archive - find old dead web sites