I lost my cool.
I was very mad.
I pulled Miguel's hair.
I threw him to the floor.
I kicked him couple of times.
I am trying to reach out for help with my videos and this blog. I want people to see FIRST HAND in the videos and to understand the effects that the alcohol is destroying OUR LIFE together - mine and his. This is about getting help we both need for OUR addiction. The videos are a plead for help with OUR LIFES.
I lost my cool.
I was very mad.
I pulled Miguel's hair.
I threw him to the floor.
I kicked him couple of times.
6:45 AM - Miguel was awake when I woke up. The TV was on too. I used the restroom. I went to bed. I played spades. He changed it to KTLA Morning News.
7:20 AM - Miguel made some Malt O Meal. it was pretty good.
7:44 AM - Miguel changed it to Clifford The Big Red Dog.
Miguel wants to read the diary. I was busy reading the entertainment news on TV Guide site. He laid down on the couch and watched TV.
8 AM - Curious George on KCET 28.
8:30 AM - Clifford The Big Red Dog on KCET 28.
Miguel fell asleep.
8:53 AM - Miguel wanted to go to the post office tomorrow. I thought so.
9 AM - I Love Lucy on KCOP 13.
Miguel fell asleep.
9:30 AM - YouTube videos.
10:05 AM - The View on ABC.
11 AM - ABC 7 news.
11:19 AM - I decided to separate the journal dates. Kazz’s dairy was getting too long. I put all dates in their own document. Now, it’s easy to track all the dates.
Noon - I turned off the TV. I was about to watch I Love Lucy, but I changed my mind.
1 PM - Days Of Our Lives.
1:11 PM - Miguel woke up. He used the restroom. He laid on the couch again. He think there is something wrong with him; he slept all the time. Hello! He watched TV all night long!
2 PM - I turned off the TV.
2:39 PM - I had the pasta leftover from last night. I watched some videos.
2:42 PM - I paused Stacey’s new video; they was cleaning outside of my apartment. I couldn’t hear the video.
3:08 PM - Miguel woke up.
3:22 PM - Miguel turned on the TV to Super Why on KOCE, then other TV shows.
3:30 PM - Maya & Miguel on KOCE.
It was a repeat. We saw it yesterday. Miguel changed it to a Spanish talk show. Then, Maya & Miguel on KLCS 58.
4 PM - Reba on CW.
4:09 PM - I have 12 YouTube emails on AOL.
Miguel fell asleep.
4:54 PM - I looked for the TV controls on Miguel. Miguel woke up and scared me. I scared him too.
“What are you doing?”
“The controls.”
“I don’t have it.”
“I found it. It was beside you.”
He went back to sleep.
5 PM - ABC 7 News.
5:15 PM - Miguel woke up.
5:30 PM - Miguel decided to take a shower before me! Drats! He mentioned I can take one while he cooks. I got the pot above the sink. He need to use it for the microwave. He mostly use the stove. This time, the microwave! He jumped in the shower. I muted the TV. I watched more videos!
11:30 AM - I haven’t seen any new slider9012 videos in a while. That was odd. I looked at my subscriptions. He wasn’t on the list. I went to his page. I clicked on subscribe again. OMG! He blocked me! Huh? Why? I have no ideal. I did nothing wrong to him. I just don’t understand.
11:45 AM - I checked cruise4ass email. I had 53 emails. Most of them was junk. I was down to 11 from Adam.2:23 PM - Miguel turned the TV on to Hawaii Five-0.
2:35 PM - I saw dreamer72fem’s new video of her new pussy, Fluffy! The pussy looked cute.
3 PM - Maya & Miguel on KCET 28.
Miguel fell asleep during the second episode on KLCS 58.
4 PM - ABC 7 news.
5:33 PM - I have 109 YouTube emails on AOL. Most of them are my video responses to the Fluffy video! 97 emails was from me! LOL.
5:47 PM - Miguel woke up.
5:52 PM - Miguel ate a cupcake. It was really good. He really like it! That’s good to hear. I haven’t make any cupcakes in a while. He baked lots of cakes!
6 PM - The King Of Queens.
7 PM - That 70’s Show.
7:30 PM - Wheel Of Fortune.
8 PM - Dance War
9:10 PM - Miguel made some jello.
9:30 PM - 20/20 Special
9:45 PM - I have 6 YouTube emails on AOL.
11 PM - ABC 7 news.
11:30 PM - Friends.
11:31 PM - I uploaded My Girl Marry Me video on YouTube.
Midnight - Married…With Children.
12:30 AM - Bed time.
8 AM - I woke up. I used the restroom. It was cold. I jumped back in bed. I turned on KTLA Morning News.
8:50 AM - I noticed I have two new messages on the blackberry. It must be Miguel. Last night, I turned off the answer machine and the ringer on the black phone. I turned on the heater. I turned on the computer. I started today’s entry.
I saw I have a new comment on “Alcohol Make Some People Absent Minded”
“Yeah. That’s what i say to my friend when they start it up again. " why are you drinking again"? They never really have an answer. do they?” - redshorty71.
They sure don't.
In the second part, Miguel refused to answer me.
I will NOT put up with his drinking any more.
Last night, I reached my boiling point.
He called me EVIL!
I kicked him out in the cold!
Now, that was EVIL!
hehe
9:25 AM - I deleted the last two entries of myspace blog. The dates was not in the correct order. It was Wednesday, then Tuesday! I kept my diary on blogger, myspace and live journal. The last two are behind. Blogger is my main blog.
9:40 AM - I ate some Cheerios with no milk!
10 AM - The View.
10:25 AM - I turned off the heater. I tried the rent again. He wasn’t in the office. I tried all week long.
10:30 AM - I put last night’s videos on the computer.
10:53 AM - I got up from the chair. My foot was caught in the wire. The camcorder fell down to the ground. DAMN! Few times, I do that!
11 AM - I filmed the messages from the blackberry. I was unsuccessful of receiving the voice mail. I tried about 20 minutes. I even try on my home phone. Even that failed! Oh well. I will never know what Miguel said on the voice mail. Then again, I don’t have to listen to it. I already know what he will say.
11:25 AM - I turned on the answer machine and the ringer. I don’t think I will answer his phone calls this weekend. We need some time apart. He need to hit rock bottom. I could do all I could do with him. I was there for him, but it wasn’t good enough. He must learn the hard way. He need to go down for the count!
11:34 AM - I got four new messages on the About forums. Two from Days Of Our Lives fans and two from Soap Opera Forum. I went to Days first. It was about The Bradys and The DiMeras. The family trees on that soap is confusing sometimes!
I went to Soap Opera Forum.
“Yup, I think we're very blessed to have been friends for such a long time.
E-mail is very convenient for staying in touch, but not everyone has a computer at their disposal, even in this day & age. If snail mail is the only way of keeping in touch, then that's what I do rather than losing out on the friendship altogether.” - Jermahon
She made an excellent point! Sometimes, the snail mail is the best way to go in the computer age! Like she said, not everyone have computers! Some doesn't have cell phones either. She have been friends with Al about 55 years. That is a long time to be friends. They met in the third grade!
11:55 AM - I posted a bulletin on YouTube - Alcohol Make Some People Absent Minded.
Noon - I Love Lucy on FOX 11.
I wrote down February on the rent check. I tried the rent again. No success. Oh, man! The rent is due today! I looked up to his apartment. The blinds was opened. I will leave the door open for a little while. I will try again after EastEnders.
12:14 PM - Someone was talking outside. I went outside. I couldn’t find them. The office was still closed. I walked toward my place. The people talked outside of the gate in the street somewhere.
12:30 PM - EastEnders.
I made a peanut butter sandwich. I closed the door. It was cold.
1:30 PM - I put the rent in a envelope. I walked to the office. I knocked on the door. There was no answer. I put the rent under the door. I went back to my place.
1:35 PM - Days Of Our Lives.
Claire was reunited with Belle and Shawn; the whole family was happy. John was about to stab Colleen. Marlena turned around. John hid the knife in his sleeze. Marlena dragged John over to see his grandkid. Bo let Colleen to have it big time. He wanted to press charges against her! Colleen admitted she tried kidnap Brady Black, John’s son, but Brady escape from her men before they kidnap him.
2 PM - I have 17 YouTube email on AOL.
2:42 PM - Miguel called me.
2:50 PM - I heard a noise outside. I went outside. It was the apartment manager, sweeping.
“Did you got my rent?”
“Yes. I got it from under the door.”
“Good. I wondered if you got it.”
“Your friend is here,” he said.
I looked at my right. Miguel stood against the building. I let him in.
“I thought you didn’t get it. I always give you the rent in person.”
He continued to sweep. Miguel was already in the place. I went in. He got himself some pants.
“Why don’t you take a shower?”
He refused to take one. He ate some food. He was very hungry. He almost passed out on the couch. He looked at me funny. He have that look in his eyes. He want to take a shower with me. I told him he can take one first. I don’t want one.
Miguel took a shower. I saw a alcohol bottle in the basket. I filmed it. I put it on the icebox. I put up the camcorder. Since Miguel was taking a shower, why not! I looked through his bag.
Oh, boy! I hit the jackpot! I found $400! Yes, I took the money. I know he will spend it on alcohol. Also, I found a jail bracelet and his arresting ticket. I took them to the desk and filmed it quickly.
4 PM - Miguel left again.
4:19 PM - Miguel called me on the intercom. I didn’t answer. Miguel called me on the intercom. He begged me to open the door. Please! No way.
4:25 PM - I uploaded my 400th video on YouTube.
4:40 PM - I deleted my 400th video. That video should be a RESPONSE to Zipster’s AA video. Miguel can relate to that video.
4:44 PM - I uploaded my 400th video on YouTube.
4:53 PM - Miguel called me. I didn’t answer. I looked through the window. He wasn’t there.
5:03 PM - Miguel called me. I didn’t answer.
5:07 PM - Miguel called me. I didn’t answer. I looked through the window. He wasn’t there.
5:11 PM - I checked the mail. I tossed it in the dumpster.
There was once a guy
There was once a guy.
He has the world's greatest smile.
He made me happy.
12:25 PM - Miguel called me. I made a video of it. He missed the bus. He waited 45 minutes for the next one. He got lost. He took the wrong bus. He made his way to the place. He didn’t wait for that long. A lot of people was there. In five minutes, they saw him. He got there at 11:20 AM. The lady wasn’t there to do his stuff.; someone else did it. He mentioned that the $60 was for the new people. It was windy; he just left the place. The bus was coming.
first miguel's phone call of 2008
Miguel hung up the phone and call me back soon. He still want to go to the post office. I suggested this Saturday. We agreed Today. He said he will take the subway to Vermont. He changed his mind thou. He will take bus 2 or 4 to Alvarado. I will meet him there. I will bring some stamps for him. He hung up again. I got dressed and waited for his call.
1 PM - Days Of Our Lives
I brushed my teeth. I opened the door. I checked the apartment manager. I didn’t went to the office. I just looked down his way. The door wasn’t open. He may be there. I will check right now. Nope! I saw a pink paper under his door. He haven’t come in today.
1:45 PM - I saw Miguel at the bus stop on Sunset/Alvarado. He claimed he was at Lucy’s. I doubt it. He was acting very strangely. I figured he had a drink somewhere. I bet he made up the story that he was lost. He was there so many times. He gave me back $20. I gave him his February bus pass.
Bus 704 came. We got on the bus. He thought he lost his bus pass. He found it in his pants’ pockets. We sat across from the side doors.
We went down Santa Monica Blvd. Now, he wants to go home. He kept on repeating himself. I said, “NO! We are going to the post office.”
We stopped at Vermont. It was his chance to go home. He changed his mind. We was going to the post office.
2:15 PM - Miguel passed out. He woke up. I told him to show me his bag, which he did. Surprise! There was no alcohol at all. He drank it before I saw him at the bus stop. I still can smell the alcohol on his breathe.
Miguel tried to see what I was typing on the blackberry. I quickly saved it. I showed him a different date. He couldn’t see it. His eyes was bad.
2:25 PM - We arrived at Highland, then La Brea couple minutes later.
I asked, “Did I gave you the bus pass?” He looked. It was behind January bus pass. He put it in front of January. I put it back. We only have two days left in January. He doesn’t need the February bus pass right now.
He wanted to kill himself. I asked, “When?”
2:30 PM - Fairfax Ave.
2:35 PM - La Cienega Blvd.
I moved back to the bus. We were by 24 Hrs Fitness. The bus wasn’t moving. Miguel came to me.
2:38 PM - We got off the bus. He need to use the restroom at Rage. I want him to go at the police station. He went to Rage. I took some pics of the post office. I wanted outside of Rage. There was no sign of him. I continued to type on the blackberry. Miguel scared me. I didn’t see him to walk out. He said, “Let’s go!” I wasn’t expecting that.
2:50 PM - We went to the post office. He wanted a pen from me. I didn’t have one on me. He found one in his bag. He wrote down my address. I took a quick pic of the post office again. I went back in. He was finished. I put stamps on the envelopes. We mailed them outside.
3:02 PM - Two 704 came. We got on the second bus. He asked, “Did you mail them?” Of course, I did. The bus driver asked to see his bus pass. He didn’t show it the first time. I hold his folder. He showed his bus pass. I gave him the folder.
3:09 PM - He dropped his folder on the floor. He picked it up. We arrived at Fairfax.
3:13 PM - He dropped his folder again. I offered to hold it, but he refused. We arrived at La Brea. I grabbed the folder at Highland.
3:45 PM - We got off the bus. We went straight home. It was cold and windy.
3:55 PM - We were home! We put on different clothes. We ate some cake. He drank some milk.
I noticed the time on the blackberry was wrong. I was five minutes off. I fixed the clock.
4:06 PM - Miguel passed out on the couch.
I had another piece of cake.
5 PM - I turned off the TV. Miguel was still passed out.
5:19 PM - YouTube videos.
6 PM - I checked the mail. Spam! Spam! And more spam!
6:25 PM - I tried Matthew Lush’s room again. That room was so boring. I left in five minutes! It was that bad! ROFL.
I deleted some subscriptions on YouTube. They hardly make videos any more. I went from 123 to 99. I may delete some later on. I don’t know when thou.
7:14 PM - I was about to videotape Miguel. He was passed out. Then, he woke up and saw me with the camcorder. He turned over on his stomach. Oh well. This time, I can’t! Drats! Double Drats! I put a TV dinner in the microwave oven. Miguel put on a T shirt. He got up. He asked, “Want me to make the ribs?” I told him no. It was getting late. He said, “Not for me.” He used the restroom. He put the ribs in the icebox.
Well, the microwave rang! Miguel took out the TV dinner. Man, it looked so terrible. I even took a pics of TV dinner. He fixed us some ribs for supper.
7:30 PM - Wheel Of Fortune.
7:43 PM - The fire alarm went off. Miguel tried to burn down my place! How could he? Is that how he treat me after I help him a great deal? That was so cold of him.
I jumped on the bed. I took down the fire alarm. The damn noise stopped. I put it back on. The noise started again. This time, I put it under the pillow! I opened the door for a while. I turned on the fan too. Few minutes later, he closed the door and went back to cooking again. The alarm remained hidden.
8 PM - American Idol.
We ate ribs, potatoes and a small salad. I had water; Miguel had milk.
9 PM - The Moment Of Truth.
9:50 PM - Miguel fell asleep.
10 PM - FOX 11 News.
I checked my AOL email. I have 18 emails from YouTube. I always get my YouTube mail on AOL.
10:35 PM - I turned off the TV. I put another video on YouTube. First Miguel's Phone Call Of 2008.
11:10 PM - Miguel woke up. I told him to turn off the heater. It have been on a few hours. He kissed me on the head, not that head! LOL. He used the restroom.
Miguel was worry about his taxes again. He put the right address and two stamps on each envelope.
11:15 PM - Miguel turned on the TV. The Simpsons was on.
Miguel saw this unpublished entry in the blog, “11:20 PM - I brushed my teeth. I put up the meat. We forgot to put it up after we eat earlier tonight.”
He said, “You didn’t put up the meat.” I said, “I was about to. I was going to before you woke up!” Miguel put up the meat instead.
11:20 PM - Miguel started to wash the dishes. I grabbed a toothpick. I used it in the mirror. There was some meat stuck in my teeth. I brushed my teeth. I walked up to him, hold and kiss him. He told me the dry off a big pan from the oven. I dried it off and put it in the oven.
11:30 PM - TMZ.
Miguel finished washing the dishes. He cleaned up the stove. That reminds me of…I still need to put in the fire alarm. It was under my pillow.
11:43 PM - Miguel ate some cherry jell-o. He gave me a bite! He gave me another bite. He finished off the jell-o. He put up the bowl in the sink. He got some twizzle.
11: 51 PM - I put up the fire alarm in the ceiling. I walked near the end of the bed. I fell down onto the couch. I hurted my right knee. Miguel started to laugh! That was cold hearted of him! He tried to find me with a flashlight! He pulled down my pants and kissed the moon!
Midnight - Married...With Children.
Miguel was cutting an orange for himself. I was about to turn off the desk lamp. He claimed he didn't need the light. The TV was bright enough for him. I went to sleep. Good night.
go to hell, you creep
Go to hell, you creep.
You was my living nightmare.
You deserve to die.
9 PM - Mork & Mindy
Miguel called the tax people again. He forgot what time they open. It was 10 AM. He was surprise it went up from $40 to $60. H&R Block cost more than they do. I asked, “Do you have the money?” He said, “You have it. I gave you $40.” I will give him the rest.
Mork & Mindy was messing up. It kept on going back and forth to the black screen. I was about to tape it thou.
9:30 PM - Get Smart
10 PM - FOX 11 News.
10:42 PM - Miguel changed it to The Twilight Zone. A commercial came on. He switched it to Seinfeld. It was a recap episode. I brushed my teeth.
11 PM - George Lopez
11:10 PM - I went on myspace. I saw that Matthew Lush is doing a LIVE cooking show on Stickam. I signed on Stickam and went straight to his chat room.
Miguel came back from the restroom. He ate another piece of cake. That’s his forth piece!
11:18 PM - I saw Matthew Lush wear a black t shirt. It said, “Fur Is Dead.” I said something in the room - “I agreed with Matthew…Fur Is Dead…let’s all wear the FUR!” Some dude, British, kicked me off the room. He can’t do that. I was speaking my mind. That fool got some nerves!
I checked out his profile. There was nothing at all. I left him a comment on his profile.
You got some nerves for kicking me out Matt's room!
I was speaking my mind.
After all, I agreed with Matthew Lush.
Fur is dead.
Let's all wear the fur!
11:30 PM - South Park.
I haven’t see that show in a few months.
Midnight - Bed time!
1:45 AM - I woke up. Miguel was still awake. He watched Will & Grace on KTLA 5. I used the restroom. I slept again.
3:30 AM - I woke up again. Miguel watched Spanish TV. I told him to turn it off. He need to get up early. He turned it off. I used the restroom again. I grabbed an ice cube. I jumped back into bed. I used BB for the diary.
Good night!
9:15 AM - I woke up. I used the restroom. I played spades.
10 AM - The View.
10:25 AM - The View was boring. Al Sharpton was on! Forget about that! I turned off the TV.
I saw a comment from a new subscriber, mymoosejaw, from Canada. This is his comment.
“You are one serious blogger. Very in depth - I just have to sub, I find it interesting over here J .”
I left a message on his channel. I said, “Thanx for subscribing. There is SOMETHING for everyone, even the damn haters! LOL”
I checked out his video, Jan 27, 2008 - Blog.
If I like someone’s videos, I will subscribe to them. They must have good interesting funny videos; not in that order!
I watched some videos.
10:40 AM - I heard some noise outside. It must be the apartment manager. I can pay my rent now. I looked for him outside. Man, it wasn’t him at all. It was some coin guy for the laundry. I checked the office. He wasn’t there. I went home.
10:48 AM - Miguel woke up. He used the restroom.
10:53 AM - I noticed I got my first comment on World’s Worst Writer. It was from…..drums roll, please…..mymoosejaw, the new subscriber from Canada.
Dave Nicholson said... “I have never seen a more in depth blog in my life. Very cool.”
Ain’t that the truth!
I looked at his Blogger profile. Something caught me attention.
“As well I am disabled and living with pain. But this is not what defines me - I am able to create so I do so, is what defines me.”
I wished I learn that in my childhood. That is inspiration words to live by.
11 AM - ABC 7 News.
Miguel made some eggs, toast and hot cocoa for me. He eve sliced up an apple too. He had his cereal.
11:40 AM - Miguel gave me the fifth season of Good Times. The fifth season? I told him to get the first season instead! He haven’t watch that season yet.
Noon - I Love Lucy on FOX 11.
12:10 PM - I looked at the dates. January 31st is this Thursday. I told Miguel that we need to buy our bus passes this Thursday. He thought I was talking about today. He mentioned I have the money. We can buy the bus passes at Lucy's. Thursday is the day!
12:23 PM - I tried the rent again. He wasn’t in the office.
12:30 PM - Miguel fell asleep during the second episode of I Love Lucy.
1 PM - Days Of Our Lives.
1:35 PM - I put 200 Subscribers video on YouTube. I made it couple days ago. Now, I have 204.
2 PM - I turned off the TV. Miguel is still sleeping. I played Warcraft 2.
3:15 PM - Miguel woke up.
3:25 PM - I tried the rent once more. This is the last time too. No luck again. I checked the mail. It was mostly junk. The TV was on. Miguel gave me some mango.
3:30 PM - Maya & Miguel on KLCS 58.
3:55 PM - Good Times.
I continued playing Warcraft 2.
4:30 PM - Someone knocked on the door. He hide in the bedroom. I answered the door. It was a neighbor about a fax machine. I told her I don’t have one.
5:20 PM - Shallow Grave.
Miguel have never see Shallow Grave at all. He really enjoyed the movie. He wondered when I see it first. I told him about 10/11 years ago. I first saw it when I was homeless. Tom Face rented that movie from Blockbuster. I used to have the soundtrack too. The music is awesome too.
7 PM - YouTube videos.
Miguel made a salad for me. He had the leftovers.
7:20 PM - I eat my salad. I turned on the TV! We watched the rest of Frasier.
7:30 PM - The Simpsons on FOX 11.
Wheel Of Fortune wasn’t on tonight. We watched The Simpsons instead.
8 PM - Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann on ABC.
8:23 PM - I put the show on the other TV on the left. I don’t think Miguel can see the other TV that well. He need some glasses. So do I!
9 PM - Mork & Mindy on KDOC 56.
9:30 PM - Get Smart on KDOC 56.
Well, Get Smart is on for one hour starting tonight. I thought The Partridge Family was on.
9:43 PM - I finished my Warcraft 2 game. It was my second game of the day.
10:12 PM - I started a new game. It lasted til 11:47 PM.
10:30 PM - The Twilight Zone on KDOC 56.
11 PM - The Simpsons on FOX 11.
Midnight - Married…With Children on FOX 11.
I uploaded A car blindsided me video on YouTube.
A car blindsided me.
I could not stand up at all.
The pain was so great.
12:30 AM - Still Standing on FOX 11.
1 AM - FOX 11 Ten O’clock news.
Miguel finally came out of the restroom. He was there for a while. I put away the fingernail clippers. He caught me! Ooohhhh! Really, he hated my nails so much. I bite them a lot. He put some lotion on my nails, just like last night. He mentioned if I have the urge to bite the nails, put on some lotion.
Miguel didn’t want to watch the news. Hello, Miguel! We didn’t watch it at 10 PM or 11 PM! Most times, we watch the news at ten.
1:20 AM - Good night! I am going to bed!