Sunday, June 13, 2004

New Beginning?


I had a quite day today. I didn't watch any tv or listen to the radio. It was the peace I needed. I haven't hear from Miguel till 7:30 PM. He wondered where I was and what time I will be home. Like always, I lied. "My friend's place. I will be home after the movies." He told me that I should have let him know I will be late or won't be home a certain night. Yes, I should. He does need tough love. Then he said, "If you don't want me to stay with you, u need to tell me. I can stay somewhere else. I still have my paycheck."

Miguel didn't want to wait for a long time. He didn't take a shower. He just slept in the street last night. Awww, I remembered the street quite well. The street wasn't a pretty sight at all. He really sunk to a new low. He finally got the taste of ROCK BOTTOM for the very first time in his life! It was about time too. I hoped he realized he can't depend on anyone for help. Why prolong the pain and suffering?

He need to do it all by himself. Maybe, this time could be a wake up call. He can think of what went wrong and how he got himself in the mess. It leads back to alcohol. He needs to figure it out on his own. May the love of God help him find peace and love within.

I gave him a chance, but he blow it big time. I was his last hope. He came home DRUNK two nights in a row. Last night, I didn't let him in. He was drunk again. I kept to myself. I was quite as a mouse. I truly felt sorry for him. There was NOTHING ELSE I could do.

9 PM, Miguel called me again. He want to pick up some clothes. He don't want to be a bother for me. He wants me to put some clothes in a bag for him. I told him I don't know what clothes he need. He can fix the bag himself. He said, "I will get my clothes and you won't hear from me. You can keep my stuff for the time being. I will pick it up later." I can do him that favor. He can't afford an storage.

I mentioned I was finally home; my friend dropped me off. I signed off online and turned off the computer. I put a tv pasta dinner in the microwave. I haven't eat since I had a salad in the evening time. Miguel buzzed me. I let him in. He really felt terrible. I asked," Did you eat yet? I can make you something." Nah, he didn't want to eat nor take a shower. He can take one somewhere else.

The computer was on. I signedon the web. I read the entertainment news. I ate my dinner. I hardly look at him. He mind his own business. He spoke very softly to himself as he packed his clothes in the bag. I offered him some black socks. He didn't want them. I gave him the socks any way. He need them for work. He asked, "May I use the restroom?" Of course!

He came out of the restroom. He got his things. I turned around and saw him snuck out. I yelled,"Baby!" He didn't say goodbye to me. My heart just died. He didn't even respond to me. He just went out of the door. I broke down in tears. I felt bad for mistreating him. I wanted to be there for him, but I just couldn't go on seeing him go down the toilet. I don't want the pain and sorrow in my life. ONCE WAS ENOUGH! It was so painful to watch. I care for him deeply. In a way, I didn't want him to leave. He may not survive the street. Last night was the first time he ever slept in the street. So much, I wanted to follow him. I went out to the street.

He slowly walked toward Alvardo, not Sunset Blvd. I just stood there on the sidewalk. A delivery guy drove up to bring some food. He asked," Your food?" Nope, I didn't order any thing. He took the food inside. I wondered why he went that way. I rushed back in my place. I took off the shorts and put on the pants. I took my keys and cell phone with me. I need to take a walk. Really, I wanted to trail him! I headed to Sunset. Maybe, he waited for the 304 bus. I got to Lucy's. I noticed Bus 4 at the corner. I hoped I could see him on the bus. I stood as the bus went by. I didn't see him. I wasn't that late. He had a five minutes head start.

I walked to the corner of Alvardo/Sunset. Hmm, where did he went to? I was still emotional; I put on a brave face as I looked for him. I think he was heading toward the freeway. McArthur Park was close by the freeway. I walked down a block. I saw the bus coming. I was far from the bus stop. Maybe, he got on that bus. He stayed at a motel near MrArthur Park once before. I couldn't see if he got on the bus. The trees were in the way. So, I sadly went home. My heart just left me.

Was this a new beginning for him? Only time will tell.