Tonya Pinkins

Sad
The Heights - How do You Talk To An Angel.

I was supposed to write this yesterday. I still get teary eyes from the article in Soap Opera Digest (August 17, 2004) about Tonya Pinkins.

For the lady, she have been through the wringer with her ex. I don't mean about the divorce or their kids. She lost custody of the kids to Ron Brawer in 1993.

By 2002, she have two more kids. She was on welfare, awash in debt, barely able to a roof over her kids. Yet, she was suffocating under the weight of her still-trenchant anger toward Brawer.

I saw the similarties in her life and mine. Yes, I have no kids or have a ex husband, but I was on welfare to this day. So badly, I can taste to get off the lazy money.

She had so much anger that she wanted revenge against her ex husband. Yet, it wasn't doing her any good at all. The bitterness wasn't hurting Brawer; it was poisoning her! It is basicly the same thing about my ex.

So much, I wanted revenge too. It was consuming my life with too much time and ways of hurting him. I sent Olga an letter to hurt him. In turn, Olga truly believed I was saying untruthful things about him. In reality, I know the truth about Miguel. Yet, they want to refuse to believe the truth.

Recently, I sent Olga a post card..........this time, under good thoughts! Last week, Miguel read the same letter I hid in his bag. Few days later, Miguel called me and thank me for the letter.

While he stayed with me for a while, old wounds opened......and wanting revenge came back. I was tempted by revenge. I just avoid it by trying to be there for Miguel. It was hard thou. My main concern was to get him out of my place! Things was different this time around. The apartment AND the bills are in my name unlike the Gramercy Apartment. I was kinda in control, but things got out of hand.

We fell into old habits. He counted on me for help. I promised it won't be like that again. Sex wasn't helping either. He remained the same person; I grew up some. Miguel was the destruction for me; he wanted to bring me down. In his mind, he loves me, but I don't love him.

Back to Tonya Pinkins, she got over the revenge and got her life back! Once again, she is on All My Children as Livia, an lawyer. She made a huge differance in her life. At this very moment, I was trying to do the same thing. Miguel was no longer living with me. He have been gone over two week. Last week, he picked up his things.

The bad thing - Miguel is an weakness; he was consuming my life. I have to take control of my life again!

My life is FINALLY back, partly. I want to live my life again witout any distractions or revenge on my mind. This monday, I will take computer classes AGAIN. This time, I will stick to it! I will give up the lazy money too! Hopefully, I can get a part time job too. I can have more money coming it and, eventually, I won't depend on the lazy money.

Also, I can get back to my art. Being lost is no picnic!

Tonya Pinkins, thanx for seeing that anger or revenge wasn't doing us any good. Postitive thinking is the best way and good things will come our way!

You taught me a valuable lesson about what's important!

8/14/04, Saturday

Happy
KBIG 104 - disco music

I was updating Earth Journal. Few days ago, I found out that Blogger changed the format. We have an profile, "About Me" and more. I switched the journal to a new timeplate for the new things.

I listened to KBig 104.3, the main radio station I listen to. Mike called me about my chart. HE claimed I was smarter and so forth. I really don't believe that crap. He wanted to come over tonight. I told him that he can come over now. He said he need to take a shower and he will call me when he leave.

Few hours later, I decided to cook SOMETHING different. We always have Tuna Helper, Tuna Fish Sandwich, tuna with green beans, tuna ANYTHING! I was so sick of eating TUNA!

He sure loves TUNA. As much I love Tuna Helper, I won't have it every week or so. I made mashed potatos and streak. I boiled the meat for the first time. Miguel mostly cook the meat in the boil; he was a fagulous cook. I wanted to give the boil a try.

Mike haven't show up or call. I assumed he was on his way now. I started the mashed potatos early in the hot water. By the time, I cook the mean, the potato will be soft. I put the Lawry's Seasoned Salt on both side of the meat. I think the meat was in the boil about 10 minutes.

I fixed my plate. The steak turned out to be very good. I think I will use the boil from now on. On the stove takes lots of time. The boil is FASTER! I ate at my desk, update the journal and checked out the forums. There was no signs of Mike yet. It looked like he wasn't coming. It was getting late. I left the food out for a while for him.

I talked on the phone with Brian. Peter was grocery shopping. Brian needed to be away from him for a while. Peter was getting on his nerves. I explained he can always come over to get away from Peter for a little while. YEs, I wasn't being a whore to him. Brian and I are friends. Please get your freaking mind out of the gutter! hehe.

Brian was running out of collage money too. He doesn't want to go back on GR. He wants a part time job close to his place. I suggested why not Target? He worked there over four years. I also want to work too. It was time to get off the LAZY MONEY! Yet, I have no job experience at all. See what the lazy money can do to you! LOL. Instead, he wanted to work at Ikea or Bed Bath Beyond. The discount can do wonders for his apartment.

I told him that I may move in December at the new apartments on Sunset/Western. I have a good chance of moving! No one have a problem with me. His mother don't have the internet any more. She recently lost her phone. Brian wanted her to get on a new cell plan, but she refused. She kept on going over her minutes. and he have no way ot getting in touch with her either.

Brian invited me to see a vollyball game at Venice Beach. I will go tomorrow, but I wasn't feeling it at all. It will be fun to go to the beach. I haven't been in a while. I mentioned if I don't call, that means I am not going. He invited me last week too. I didn't went either. They normally have game every week. One of this weeks, I will go. Perhaps, every week! Hmmm, seeing all the hot men boucing the balls! What a sight!

We said Goodbye to each other. We hunged up the phone. Brian will relax till Peter gets home from the grocery shopping. Well, it was so late. I finally put the leftovers in the frig. I will eat it tomorrow night. I finished updating Earth Journal after 12 midnight. I watched Married With Children, then I went straight to bed. An hour later, the vibrating phone woke me up. It can be one person - my ex, Miguel! I didn't answer the phone. I went backto sleep.

Good night!

Bloody Crap

Silly

Morning - I felt like bloody crap! No, make it - I am bloody crap. Every few months, it happened.
I have any control of it. It just happens.

I was dying a slow death of some sort. I guessed it has finally taken over my body. I became weaker each day, but I kept on trucking. I want to refocus on my life. This time, make something out of my life before it's too late.

I put off my life long time ago. I want to LIVE MY LIFE! The money sure made me lazy. It was time for a REAL living. Life haven't been fullfilling over 14 years. I must make up lost time. I want to change my life for the better.

Haven't you noticed? The art is my voice. Yet, no one heard me talking. Why? No one understand me. I do my best with my art. Some day, people will start paying attention to me. I will be on top of my game. It was time to get off the sidelines and go after my dreams!

I always wanted to be an famous artist. I have the right tools with no collage experience. Do that matter? I think not. Some peep became successful without a degree. Well, I wasn't that smart for collage. I don't think I will do any good.

Like I mentioned above, the teacher and other students may not understand me. Oh well, life goes on.

8 AM - I left home to pick up my mail. On the way, I wasn't feeling well. Damn, that bloody crap! I wanted to spend the day somewhere.......far away from home. It wasn't meant to be. I better go back home. Someone could watch over me. Miguel's ID didn't came today. He supposed to get it couple weeks ago. I think he need to see DMV in person. I think it is not coming at all.

I just went back home. I wasn't feeling it. I believed the stress finally gotten to me. I saw my friend leaving the building. We hugged. It was nice to see her. She was a sweet person. She mentioned she was on her way to NA. That's good. I wished Miguel was like her. She stuck by it over 7 years.

I was home. I put on shorts and tshirt. I ate some cereal while I do the updated Earth Journal. I can read my magazines later. Now, you know where I was at in my life. I was bloody crap! LOL.

Yes, I will come back later...........with more details of the day. Laters.

Old Journal

Happy

Good morning! It is a new day.

Oops, what was I thinking? It was only 1:05 AM. I haven't went to bed yet! Oh well!

Good night! Hold it! I wasn't going to bed now.......after this post I will.

My day ends when I go to sleep

My day begins when I wake up.

Got that?

All evening long, I updated my OLD JOURNAL!

Damn, it took me a long time. It made me so tired. I have to fix Earth Journal on Blogger too. I will do it this weekend.

Old Journal is now open for business! Please leave any comments over there. It is good to heard from other people.

Yes, there may be backlash, but I really don't care. Everyone have their own opinion and we won't see eye to eye on EVERYTHING!

We are only human.

I take it back. You guys were only human. I was just a sweet lovable alien! hehe

Okay, that was all I have to write. I need to pick up my mail and, hopefully, spend the weekend with friends.

That's it. Good night! Sweet Dreams!

Peace out.

Days Of Our Lives

Happy
Whitney Houston

Days Of Our Lives and Passions won't be on two weeks from August 16 to August 27. They will be back on August 30, Monday!

At the end of Day's today episode, we were treated to lots of previews.....I meaned LOTS! They normally do three previews each show.

For the week of Monday, August 30........this is the previews from Days Of Our Lives!

Sami tells Lucas that this is the happiest day of her life, this is the perfect day, and she knows nothing could ever ruin it.

Sami says that she’s afraid she’s jinxed it and something bad will happen. Lucas tells her not to worry, nothing bad will happen.

Later, Brandon calls, and Lucas answers the phone. Sami takes the phone and says she’s so glad he called, and that she loves him too.

Brady tells Nicole that he’s flying to Vienna to be with Chloe. We then see Brady, on the phone, and he says Chloe cannot die!

Nancy returns and tells Brady that Chloe is gone, her baby is gone. Nicole hears this and says it doesn’t matter now, as long as she is dead!

We then see an image of a bandaged Chloe in the hospital calling for Brady.

Mimi tells Belle that she thinks has uterin cancer.

Phillip tells Belle that he has to be completely honest with her. He says she is his mystery woman, he has always loved her and he always will.

Belle and Phillip kiss, which a spying Jan sends to Shawn over the computer.

Shawn breaks out of his cell when Jan opens her front door. Shawn is standing there. She asks what he is doing, and he decks her!

Patrick delivers Jen’s baby. She says it is a miracle, and she thanks him.

Roman asks Marlena if she is afraid he’s going to die? Later, Roman says if he’s going to die, than he is the one he wants to be with. Roman tells MArlena that he wants to make love to her! They then begin to make love!

Abe and Hope capture the mysterious person in the jungle who has been following them. The person has a handkerchief over their face. Hope wonders if this is their captor, and she goes to damask him. (It looks like a man, and that it is eitherTony or Jack, I’m thinking Jack)

Kate and John are at Basic Black, and they are now dressed. Kate says Marlena is dead, she is as dead as Roman and they aren’t coming back.

Bo is in his computer working. He says he knows Hope is alive, he can feel it. Bo listens to the signal and wonders why it sounds so familiar? He asks what it reminds him of, then he remembers. Bo then says Roman and Marlena are alive!

Back at Basic Black, Kate tells John that she needs his help. John says he’ll help her any way he can as a friend. She says she needs him more than a friend. She says Marlena and Roman would want them to go on without them, they would want them to be there for each other.

John and Kate begin to make love on the desk at Basic Black when Bo walks in on them. He is shocked and says they are alive, his wife and her husband, Marlena and Roman are alive! Kate promptly faints!

Tony looks at a photo of Roman and Marlena, at the island penthouse, and says “Will your loved ones rescue you in time, oh please don’t hold your breath!”

Don't forget...........2004 August 30, Monday on your local NBC station.

Favourite Links

Happy

My Favorite Links
1. ScareyKATT's Yahoo Group - anyone can join my group.
2. Gaysville - a defunct gay soap.
3. Reactions - I started a "Reactions group." I must find a place to hold the group!
4. Planet OUT - Are u out on this planet? LOL
5. Gay - Be gay from the USA
6. C1TV - Queer as Folks is the British version from C1TV. Wednesdays at 10:30 PM on Channel 39 in Los Angeles.
7. Groove Radio - Groove was on 103.1 in LA. The web has the Groove now.
8. Gaydar UK - an gay site from the UK, somewhat like Gay.com.
9. Launch - Yahoo's radio & music videos!! You can have your personal radio station on the web!!
10. BBC Radio - Sometimes, I listened to BBC radio while I'm on the web. The Archers & Mel & Sue Thing are my favorites on BBC 4!!
11. American Idol - the latest news of the idols and upcoming season!
12. Will Young - UK's first POP IDOL!!
13. Encarta - Dictionary on the web.
14. Delphi Forums -
15. Digital Spy - entertainment news from UK.
16. Poetry - A very good site for Poets.
17. WavSounds - We all played them at one time or another. Nobody use them in the AOL chats anymore. They was quite POPULAR in the late 1990's.
18. Seeing Stars - popular Hollywood site.
19. The Simpsons Achive - the latest happenings about The Simpons
20. Reality TV World - your latest news from Reality TV
21. Zone UK - your favourite games you can play on MSN for FREE! I loved Spades, Backgammon, Collapse and Chess.
22. Black People Love Us - very humorous site about the whites!
23. IFILM - they showed all types of short movies!! Be sure to sign up to watch them!
24. Black Planet - a hugely popular site for Blacks.
25. Media UK -
26. Days - my favourite soap
27. Zap - entertainment news.
28. NBC Media -
29. Loreena McKennitt - popular singer, much like Enya.
30. IMDB - movies database
31. Big Cartoon Database -
32. Sitcoms Online -
33. TV Tome -
34. Pazsaz - run down of all tv shows
35. About - What you need to know about......
36. RuPaul - Supermodel Of The World
37. TV Guide Live - Canada's version
38. Internet Archive - find old dead web sites

Survey

Happy

1. First name? Alien

2. Were you named after anyone? Cass Winthrop (Stephen Schnetzer) from NBC's Another World.

3. Do you wish on the stars? No

4. Which finger is your favourite? thumb

5. When did you last cry? Can't remember. Then again, it was probably the first time Miguel left.

6. Do you like your handwriting? Yeah, everyone can read mine!

7. What is your favourite lunch meat? Bologna

8. Any bad habits?: Biting my nails

9. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? None embarrasses me.

10. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? It depends if I am likable enough.

11. Are you a daredevil? No.

12. Have you ever told a secret you swore you would not tell? What secrets? lol

13. Do looks matters? Not for me. What's inside counts the most

14. How do you release anger? I just bottle it up in me.

15. Where is your second home? All my friend's places!

16. Do you trust others easily? No.

17. What was your favourite toy as a child? Rubik's cube.

18. What class in school do you think is totally useless? PE. i really hate that class. I was never a damn athlete.

19. Do you have a journal? Yes. Earth Journal

20. Do you use sarcasm? Of course, I like my witty humor

21. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Huh? What's that?

22, What do you look for in a guy/girl? Lots of loving from a awesome heart.

23. What are your nicknames? Alien, Kazz, Pussy

24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes

25. Do you think that you are strong? It depends on the situation.

26.Shoe size? 11w.

27.How many teeth do you have? None. The dentist pulled them out by two within a week from each other.

28. Who do you miss the most right now? good friends

29. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? No.

30. What are you listening to right now? Oprah.

31. What's the last things you ate? Two Peanut Butter sandwichs

32. Last person you talked to on the phone? My ex lover over an hour late at night

33. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? GET AWAY! lol

34. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No one send this.

35. How are you today? Things couldn't be any better. I felt fagulous

36. Eye colour? Brown

37. Do you wear contacts? Sometimes.

38. Favourite month? December.

39. Favourite food? Shrimp Fried Rice.

40. Last movie you watched? Harry Potter.

41. Favourite day of the year? Christmas and my birthday!

42. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes.

43. Scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies.

44. Relationships or one night stands? Relationships, not fast love thou

45. Whos is most likely to respond? I'm not sending this, I'm posting it in Earth Journal.

46. Who is least likely to respond? See above.

47. What books are you reading? None whatsoever. I like magazines better.

48. Favourite song(s)? Dance songs, anything by Madonna, Pet Shop Boys and more!

Gay Marriages

Sad

Well, this is a very sad day in gay history, indeed.

We learned all the 4,037 gay marriages in California (from Rosie O'Donnell to regular folks) was VOIDED by the state's supreme court!

I, for one, will like to be married to a lover. It feels so right to be a legal couple!

We deserved the EQUAL RIGHTS like our fellow straights.

The battle is far from over. In the end, we will be victorious!

We won't be deny our love and our faith in marriage.

Nothing will stop us from having a real marriage.

A legalized married will freed us from living a lie and heartbreak, especially the woman. We won't be force into a false married with a woman. We can be ourselves.

There will be less unwanted babies; knowing a false marriage will destroy the family and the innocense kids will be hurt in the process.

Charity Rahmer

Happy

Sorry to say this, Charity Rahmer is the worst actress ever I saw on a soap!

Her last day on Days Of Our Lives was Monday, August 9, 2004.

THANK GOD!

She wasn't right for the role of Belle Black, John/Marlena's kid.

Simon is coming out of me

I will get a good lawyer and sue the acting teachers

It was a good thing that she was fired after her first day on TV!

She was really that bad.

Martha Anne Madison took over the role of Belle Black on August 10th.

The new actress is a natural fit for Belle.

She always wanted to be on her favourtie soap, Days Of Our Lives.

You go, Martha!

Special

Silly

(blush)

i am SPECIAL too

(Blush)

yet, no one understands me

(sobbing)

my art is my voice!

(happy dance)

Alien TV series

Ecstatic
Turn The Beat Around

Alien TV series

"You are hired by Hollywood to produce a TV show about an alien who has crashlanded on the earth and cannot get in contact with his/her's home world. What kind of story would you potray about this alian trying to survive on a strange world?" - Marvin

(blushing)

omg

the network are FINALLY giving me my own tv show

wow.

(blushing)

i can't wait to see all the ideals

perhaps, they can be the head writer for my NEW SHOW!

i really appreciate a lot

(blushing)

man, i waited for years and years!

my BIG BREAK is here!

whoopie

Miguel

Happy

2004, August 9 Monday - Miguel called me tonight during North Shore and my supper.

His voice was fragile. He sounded drunk. He just found the song for us, Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings. I thought it was a different song. He played it loud over the phone. I couldn't make it out at first. I heard Wind Beneath My Winds. Oh, yes! I love that song quite much.

He claimed it was our song. At first, I thought forget it. His wings need to be clipped by me. I can't go on with him in my life. Then, I realized it was just perfect for us, but, face it, it was too late for us. It was too late to have OUR SONG! We are not lovers any more; just friends. Miguel continued singing the song to me. It was beautiful.

I tried to talk to him during the song. He was too busy singing. So, I hung up the phone. I knew he will call me back. I took my first bite of my supper. He called me back. He was bit down. I brought up the phone calls. He mentioned he didn't call them. He doesn't care if he get his ID or his money! I bet he didn't call housing either. There was no sense of talking about that. His mind was made up.

He brought up our song again. I heard his cries. I asked, "Why are you crying?" He said, "The song is ours. I dedicated the song to you. I truly love you." I just kept to myslef. I let him continued to talk. I was awestruck. He finally mentioned the letter i put in the bag Friday evening. He didn't talk about it during the times we talked on the phone since he left on the bus home.

He just thanked me for the letter. He was really crying his eyes out. I think he finally got his wake up call from the letter. I was straightforward in the letter.

"You are homeless. You don't live with a friend. You aren't working. You lost his new job couple months ago. You are an ALCOHOLIC. You needs help with your drinking problem. Please open up your eyes."

I just hope he took the letter serious. I really care for him. I was his only hope. His family doesn't want to believe me! Man, I did my best to tell them. Last week, I sent his sister the same letter on a postcard. Yet, they haven't talk to Miguel aboutit or what. Oh well, I gave my best shot with them and MIGUEL.

"Thanx for the letter." I mentioned I can't help him any more. He needs to help himself first. He heartfelt agreed with me. He said, "You may not see me any more." Suicide, perhaps? Nah, I don't think Miguel will go that far. As longer he know he have a drinking problem, he can get the help he needs. I won't take it well if he commit suicide. I will have the iky feeling that I let him down. I killed him!

He said, "I will always love you. I want you to be beside me, next to me in bed. You are in my heart. I loved you. Sweet dreams. Good night." His crying was out of control. That last part got to me. I confessed I missed him, I loved him, I won't forget him, and he was in my heart too.

Well, that may be probably the last time I ever talk to him. We just went our separate ways, knowing the paths we are both on. I was on the path of living my life AGAIN! He was on the path to help or completely self destruction. I prayed that Miguel does the right thing. He will be doing everyone a favor.

I can't feel guilty about Miguel. He must live his own life, just like me. Who knows? We may see each other down the road. Only God knows for sure.

Fay Wray

Happy

I just finished reading the article about Fay Wray's death.

Something struck me about her.

"She discovered he was an alcoholic and a drug addict, and the marriage became a nightmare."

I really can relate to her on that level.

Since Fay found true love, I can do.

She will be deeply missed by all her fans, including KING KONG!

Quick Upate

Happy

Yes, I know! I seldomly do Earth Journal! Here is a quick update thou

July 24, Saturday - Miguel was here drunk. I was at a party with friends. Someone mentioned the police kicked him out. Full details can be find at Running Away.

Therefore, that was the FINAL straw

The next few days, i won't talk to him or let him in. He burned me so many times from his drinking. Of course, he was desperated. He have no clothes or money.

I told the apartment manager the truth - Miguel is an alcohol! He wanted his bag. So, he can give it to Miguel instead.

I sent Olga an post card about Miguel's drinking. "Miguel is homeless. Miguel doesn't live with a friend. Miguel isn't working. Miguel lost his job few monthes ago. Miguel is an ALCOHOLIC! Miguel needs help with his drinking problem. Please open up your eyes."

Also, I gave Chuck Olga' phone number and Miguel's pager number too. He called her to tell him to pick up his bag.

August 6, Friday - Chuck mentioned that Olga haven't return his phone call nor Miguel pick up his bag. I told him that Miguel called me; he will come over to my place for the bag. Chuck gave me his bag.

Miguel finally arrived in the evening. I met him halfway. I noticed that Chuck was outside the gate. I think he knew that I was with Miguel.

there wasn't any problems with Miguel, no fighting and such. Get this? Miguel drank some alcohol at my place. Yet, I didn't complain. I can't wait till he leaves for good with his things. He packed up his bag. Another bag was for his shoes. He rested for a while. He was tired. We hardly talk during the whole time.

He found the letter in the side pocket. I grabbed it from him. I didn't want him to read it at my place. So, he went to the restrooom, i put the letter back in the bag on TOP OF HIS CLOTHES.

By now, miguel knows how i felt about his drinking. Lately, he keep on calling me. I won't answer the phone. Hopefully, he will leave me alone.

I walked him to the bus stop. See, all the trouble that Miguel gave me, i am STILL a nice guy. He can't take two bags to the bus stop. It was too heavy for him. I put the big bag on the bus. I got off the next stop. I just went home. The big bag tired me out.

Today - I noticed that Miguel called me after 1 AM. I was glad I missed his phone call. I know he was probably DRUNK and so mad about the letter from the bag. Well, I just checked the message; he thanked me. The message was from the evening thou. I was wrong. He wasn't drunk after all.

I won't talk or see him at all. It is best to STAY AWAY from each other.

Mickey Finn

By Kazz Falcon

Hello!
My name is Mickey Finn
I was quite popular at the clubs
I hit on innocence prey
I loved drugging people with their drinks
I was nothing but trouble
I have no regrets at all
Everyone know about me
Some leave their drinks unattended
That was my perfect opportunity to strike
Always expect the unexpected at the clubs
No one knows when I spike the drink
Few times, some ended up in the hospital
Oh well!
That's not my responsible
Man, it wasn't my fault at all
I ended up in the wrong hands thou
People loves to use me for their gain
I made people to feel good
It will hit them hard
I raped people too
I don't have any remorse for them
I was doing my job
You guys were warned about yours truly
My name is Mickey Finn

6/18/04, Friday

Mischievous

5:35 AM - Miguel woke me up by calling my name and knocking on the window. Damn, him again? I was sleeping pretty well. I wanted to sleep again. He went at it for a while. I didn't get out of bed. I used the same trick - his pager. This time, I used Olga's phone number. He may called her back. I tried Olga's number three times. Olga should be up about this time. I heard nothing for a while. The moment I fell asleep, he knocked on the door again. Man, I really need my sleep. After a while, he just left.

10:35 AM - I woke up. I was still tired. I laid in bed for a little while. Well, there will no TV today. I was missing Days Of Our Lives again. It came on 10 this past two days because of Tennis. I won't watch Y&R either till Sunday evening. I need to be quite as a mouse for the weekend. I don't want Miguel or anyone else to know I was here.

5 PM - I was doing the journal. Miguel showed up, calling my name from the sidewalk. I didn't even respond. I played the gameboy in bed. Someone buzzed him in. He knocked on my door. I loved being a mouse. For the better half of the life, I was the pussy. Meow! I heard someone talking to Miguel. It sounded like the aprartmnet manager was talking to him. I bet he chewed him out big time. Hmmm, I will get an earful from Chuck next week. He wants to know what's up with him. I better play it safe with him. I can't afford to lose my apartment.

What did I did? Throughout the day, I was online, played Bomberman, nap, eat and ate cheese all day long. "Squeek, squeek!" said the tired mouse. Basicly, I stayed out of trouble or harm's way, whatever comes first. LOL. Miguel called a few times - 10:50 AM, 12:42 PM and 8:47 PM which I purposedly missed! Me, bad!

I answered the one at 3:49 PM. I told him that I was in Long Beach with my friend to get his MTA ID card. Miguel was disappointed thou; he wanted to come over. Hey, what can I do? He need to learn that he can't ALWAYS depend on me whether I was home or not. He will get sick and tired of me letting him down. Hopefully, he will count on someone else! Please God! He need someone........better yet, get him the help he needs with his drinking problem.

Maybe, I will sleep peacefully tonight if Miguel doesn't interupt my beauty sleep.

6/17/04, Thursday

Mischievous

6/17/04, Thursday

Miguel may not go to San Fransico after all. He want to get the umemployment checks again. Earlier this year, he tried to get them. No can do. He just walked off the job. Therefore, he wasn't able for them. This time, He have a good chance of getting them. I don't think so. He only worked on the new job for a month and he was late two times for work. Yesterday, he will let go. They give him his walking papers. I don't think the money will be that much. He might as well go to SanFran for a new beginning.

He wanted to leave that morning. He took another nap; he was still tired with no place to stay. He always could stay at the shelter. The again, he will not last long there. They will kick him out for his drinking. I finally beat Warcrat 2 as a Orc. That pretty funny. The five years I played that game, I have never beat it at all. I was stuck sometimes; it was that hard. I gave up! Poor me! Now, I have to win as a human. I think I was at the last part. Even that was hard! The Orc kept on fighting on my land. I need to see a new plan against them.

Miguel was done with his nap. He asked, "Do you find the number?" Nope, I didn't even try, but I didn't told him that. He looked it up in the phonebook then he called the operator. He called the unemployment office and gave them everything they need. He need to send the walking papers to them. It was his proof that he was fired from the job. I told him that it was best to use my PO Box, not my address. I probably may move upstairs if they let me. I need to change all the addresses to the magazines too.

After 2 PM - Miguel was running late. He wanted to get a new ID. He doesn't have one. I think he lost his old one again and again! I mentioned I was going out too; I need to buy some Dr Pepper. He gave me some money. Ohh, how sweet he was! Only when he want something in return! He waited for me outside; he doesn't want anyone to see us together. I took my coat with me. I didn't see Miguel anywhere. I walked across the street. There he was; waiting at the corner a block down. He missed the bus. We got on the bus to Alvarado. He got off the bus to catch his bus across the street. I went to Poineer Market, then I went home. I had an sald for supper.

I didn't heard from him this evening. I bet he got drunk at the clubs again and again. He mentioned he will go to the bank first, then the DMV for the new ID. I don't think he didn't make it there. He must have went directly to the clubs. I didn't stay up that late. LAst night, I went to bed after 4 AM. Warcraft 2 kept me interest. I yelled and screamed at the game. It woke Miguel up a few times. Man, I was this close of winning. Instead, I was clobbered on their land! Boy, that level was pretty hard.

Good night! Time for my beauty sleep till Miguel comes to ruin the perfect sleep, which I desparately needed.

Dear Miguel's Family

Sad

Dear Miguel's Family,

I am giving you a FAIR WARNING about Miguel Garcia.
He is a raging alcoholic; his drinking is really out of control.
I recently learned that he is homeless since earlier this year.
Miguel brought it on all by himself.
I won't have to lift a finger.
I will give him the poison.
He will drink it till he dies or get help.
I won't force him or make him to drink the poison.
After all, he really loves the taste of poison.
He don't mind the poision in his drink.
If you guys don't help him, it will be on your head if the worst happens to him.
My hands are clean of the alcoholic.
Miguel really needs help.
Please open up your eyes and see the painful truth.
At least, I told u about his out of control drinking.
Thanx for listening.

Letter Preview

Mischievous

To Jermahon (my good friend)
I have a pretty good ideal of what i want to say in the letter.
I haven't write the letter yet. I had a quite busy day!
For sure, i will grab their attention by their throats NO MATTER WHAT!
The letter sounds murderous and disturbing!

Here is a little preview.
I won't have to lift a finger.
I will supply the poison and Miguel will drink it all till he dies or gets help.
I won't have to force him or make him!

To Spirit Alien (That's me)
I think that sounds a bit threatening, Alien. I think you'd get better results if you just lay it out that his drinking has gotten way out of control, as has his life. As his friend, you're begging them to get the guy some help & take their heads out of the sand & realize that Miguel is life is an alcoholic & if someone doesn't get him into treatment soon, the alcohol will kill him. The way you've written it makes it sound as though you're going to give him a drink, & you'd never do that to him.

To Jermahon
I think that sounds a bit threatening,
and disturbing too!
Really, it depends on how PEOPLE LOOK at it.
I will send u a full detail email about my fool proof plan.
Hopefully, the police will not arrest me for making threats WITH POISON!
Right now, it is best to get the police involved!

The way you've written it makes it sound as though you're going to give him a drink
U could say....a "poison" drink
I am pretty good with words! hehe

then again, here is a question for everyone
what poison am i talking about?

Please Pray

Happy

Everyone, Please pray for Miguel Garcia and his family.

Miguel needs STRENGTH to stop drinking; he is a raging alcohol.

His family needs STRENGTH to open up their eyes to the PAINFUL TRUTH

Thanx for your prayers!

New Beginning?

Sad

I had a quite day today. I didn't watch any tv or listen to the radio. It was the peace I needed. I haven't hear from Miguel till 7:30 PM. He wondered where I was and what time I will be home. Like always, I lied. "My friend's place. I will be home after the movies." He told me that I should have let him know I will be late or won't be home a certain night. Yes, I should. He does need tough love. Then he said, "If you don't want me to stay with you, u need to tell me. I can stay somewhere else. I still have my paycheck."

Miguel didn't want to wait for a long time. He didn't take a shower. He just slept in the street last night. Awww, I remembered the street quite well. The street wasn't a pretty sight at all. He really sunk to a new low. He finally got the taste of ROCK BOTTOM for the very first time in his life! It was about time too. I hoped he realized he can't depend on anyone for help. Why prolong the pain and suffering?

He need to do it all by himself. Maybe, this time could be a wake up call. He can think of what went wrong and how he got himself in the mess. It leads back to alcohol. He needs to figure it out on his own. May the love of God help him find peace and love within.

I gave him a chance, but he blow it big time. I was his last hope. He came home DRUNK two nights in a row. Last night, I didn't let him in. He was drunk again. I kept to myself. I was quite as a mouse. I truly felt sorry for him. There was NOTHING ELSE I could do.

9 PM, Miguel called me again. He want to pick up some clothes. He don't want to be a bother for me. He wants me to put some clothes in a bag for him. I told him I don't know what clothes he need. He can fix the bag himself. He said, "I will get my clothes and you won't hear from me. You can keep my stuff for the time being. I will pick it up later." I can do him that favor. He can't afford an storage.

I mentioned I was finally home; my friend dropped me off. I signed off online and turned off the computer. I put a tv pasta dinner in the microwave. I haven't eat since I had a salad in the evening time. Miguel buzzed me. I let him in. He really felt terrible. I asked," Did you eat yet? I can make you something." Nah, he didn't want to eat nor take a shower. He can take one somewhere else.

The computer was on. I signedon the web. I read the entertainment news. I ate my dinner. I hardly look at him. He mind his own business. He spoke very softly to himself as he packed his clothes in the bag. I offered him some black socks. He didn't want them. I gave him the socks any way. He need them for work. He asked, "May I use the restroom?" Of course!

He came out of the restroom. He got his things. I turned around and saw him snuck out. I yelled,"Baby!" He didn't say goodbye to me. My heart just died. He didn't even respond to me. He just went out of the door. I broke down in tears. I felt bad for mistreating him. I wanted to be there for him, but I just couldn't go on seeing him go down the toilet. I don't want the pain and sorrow in my life. ONCE WAS ENOUGH! It was so painful to watch. I care for him deeply. In a way, I didn't want him to leave. He may not survive the street. Last night was the first time he ever slept in the street. So much, I wanted to follow him. I went out to the street.

He slowly walked toward Alvardo, not Sunset Blvd. I just stood there on the sidewalk. A delivery guy drove up to bring some food. He asked," Your food?" Nope, I didn't order any thing. He took the food inside. I wondered why he went that way. I rushed back in my place. I took off the shorts and put on the pants. I took my keys and cell phone with me. I need to take a walk. Really, I wanted to trail him! I headed to Sunset. Maybe, he waited for the 304 bus. I got to Lucy's. I noticed Bus 4 at the corner. I hoped I could see him on the bus. I stood as the bus went by. I didn't see him. I wasn't that late. He had a five minutes head start.

I walked to the corner of Alvardo/Sunset. Hmm, where did he went to? I was still emotional; I put on a brave face as I looked for him. I think he was heading toward the freeway. McArthur Park was close by the freeway. I walked down a block. I saw the bus coming. I was far from the bus stop. Maybe, he got on that bus. He stayed at a motel near MrArthur Park once before. I couldn't see if he got on the bus. The trees were in the way. So, I sadly went home. My heart just left me.

Was this a new beginning for him? Only time will tell.

Miguel's Family

Sad

Really, his sister wants no parts of me whatsoever. no one in his family wants to see me at all.

Why?

I AM GLAD U ASK!! hehe

It is not because we used to be lovers.


I already TRIED to warn them about his drinking problem.

A year ago, I sent Olga, his sister, an HEART FELT letter (LINK) about his problem.

Olga never write back to me.

Now, i recently learned from Miguel that Olga is really mad and upset about the letter.

Since i sent the letter, i haven't talk to his family in a long time.

At least, I tried my best to REACH OUT to them

Talking to them is a dead end street.

I need someone.......... (are u Listening, Jeanne Cooper?) ...........to talk to his family on my behalf.

The truth.......they really DO NOT KNOW what is going on with him.

They think he is still living with his friend, Max.

NOT!!!

I know AS A FACT that Max and miguel have a falling out. Max believed that Miguel's friend took HIS DRUGS!

DRUGS!!

Dear Lord! Now what?

I don't think Miguel's friend took the drugs at all. I strongly suspect Miguel was the one.

Wednesday, Miguel and I got his things from Max.......we were about to move the TV, the last thing to go.

Max confronted him once again about the drugs. Max wanted to know what friend.

Miguel came up with lame excuse......."I can't remember his face or name."

I didn't talk to Max about it.........it was none of my bizwax. I really care less.

Max mentioned that he will have kill Miguel for the drugs.

ONe night, Max threatemed to kill him too about the drugs. So, Miguel came to me for help.

That is how Miguel come to me about an place to stay.

Miguel moved in with Max after he lost his job and apartment earlier this year.


Back to his family....they really don't know what is going on with Miguel at all.

They did not know that Miguel is homeless nor that Miguel and I are friends again!

His faimly is so blinded by the truth; drinking problem.

They need to open up their eyes before it is too damn late.


Maybe, I should write to his sister again............make that lots and lots and lots of letters till the truth sink in to their thick heads of theirs

What is sadness that the family think Miguel have no drinking problem

What is so FREAKING FUNNY that I am the REAL VILLIAN!

Me, an villian!

ROFL!

Writing to them is a waste of time......

Talking to Miguel is a waste of time.....


I am the villian because I tried to warn them about his drinking problem in the letter i sent over a year ago!

yet, the family is mad at me!

they believed I trashed his good name!


Here is HARSH REALITY for his family.

If Miguel died from his drinking problem, it will be on THEIR HANDS, not mine!

I did my best to WARN them!

Last Night 6/12

Loopy

Last night, Miguel woke me up about 1:45 AM. I went to bed after midnight.

Miguel kept on knocking on the door and the window. Man, that went on between THIRTY MINUTES to an hour!

I didn't made a sound. I was quite as a mouse! I could have all the cheese i want! LOL
Miguel thought I was home by now. NOT!!!!

I am a pretty good actor! I should be on my favourite soap, Y&R or Days!

Earlier in the evening, Miguel called me on the phone. He wanted to come home.

Well, I lied my ass off big time! Oops, I take it back.........IT WAS ACTING!! hehe

I told him that I was at my friend's house. (Really, I was at my place with my good friend, Mike. I helped Mike with his flyer.)

He wondered when i will be home. I contunied to ACT.........NOT LIE, miss thing! I mentioned i will be in an hour.

Miguel told me that he will be at the chinese restuarant by 7/11. He was so hungry. I was too, but I didn't tell him!

Well, I never show up at the restaurant. I didn't want him to spend the night.

Mike finished up with his flyer and went to Kinkos. I just stay behind at home.

I didn't watch any tv or listen to the radio. Miguel will think I wasn't home yet.

Back to night............Miguel kept on knocking on the door.

A thought occurred to me.......I have to get rid of Miguel somehow.

Miguel can wake up the neighbors by all his banging. I just remembered he have a PAGER! I didn't know his number. So, I knew it was on his job resume in his daybook.

BINGO!! I called the pager.........first, 777. the noise stopped for a while. I laid in bed again.

I heard someone was buzzed in at the gate. Man, it was Miguel again, knocking on the door. He called out my name lots of time.

So, I called the pager again with my phone number!

He left to use the phone by 7/11.

He sounded so drunk on the phone.

He wondered why I was.............I lied "I was in Santa Monica with a friend at his place. We came back from the clubs. I wasn't coming home."

Miguel said that was okay. He will try to get someone to pick up for the night, then he will sleep with them at their place.

Then we hang up. I waited for another thirty minutes. Ahhh, that was no sign of him!

I can fall asleep peacefully.

Well, Miguel will be so tired for work in the morning! oh well!

My, what an wonderful alcoholic life he have! LOL

Saturday 6/12

Happy

U read The Honest Thief, didn't you? hehe

4 AM, we woke up. We both didn't get any sleep last night. He kept on moving around like a fish on dry land. Right now, I am feeling it big time.

He took an shower. I was so tired that I just stay in bed. I want to sleep again! He got dressed for work. I noticed he was looking for the money I took.........some says, "STEAL." Whatever, dude! In my self defense, I was an honest thief!

He looked everywhere for his money. I pretended I didn't know about it. He was convinced it was where he put it. Man, he was so right. I was kind enough to look for the money. Hey, after all, I was a nice person! LOL

Really, the money was rightfully mine. I paid for the U Haul truck! I had an plan in motion about the money. I will persaude him that he spent it at the clubs this past two nights. We all know that alcoholics loves to SPEND MONEY! See, I got it made! You can say that I am one sneaky fox. The Golden Egg was all mine for keeps.

He didn't have enough time to search for the money; the bus was coming any minute! I wondered what ttime he gets off. He gave me attitude, "Why? You won't answer the phone." Hello, I forgot to put the phone on the ringer. Then he left the door opened and took off. I shut the door. I slept till 10 something. I got the nerve to search through his things. There got to be something there, but what?

Hey, I can break into his bank account again. I didn't get in any trouble the last time. Boy, the fun i had in 2002. Hmmm, where to begin? Well, I got his SSI number, his sister's address and, presto, I was him online! They called it Identify Theft! Oh, boy! I stole his identify! LOL

My, I need to look out for myself. I just opened up his banking account online. In a way, I control his account. I knew where the money went; mostly the clubs and the bathhouses. I was on the verge of being homeless again, all thanx to his drinking.

I looked at his papers. So far, there was no bank statements at all. I wondered why. Then it occurred to me, he ole the IRS over $2,000. He knew the IRS will get their money from his account. Well, I was out of luck. So badly, I wanted to break into his account once again! I can easily put the money in his account; also, his first paycheck. What was I thinking? If themoney was there, Miguel will spend it all the next day at the clubs. I know Miguel pretty damn well.

I struck gold. I came upon a State Farm Insurance paper. He was in a car accident in 1990. He wanted the insurance company to pay for the accident. Dear Lord! I was suprised at all. He told me he was in a car accident long time ago; before our time together. Well, when I lived with him on Gramercy, he was in about three car accidents from........drum rolls, please...............drunk driving! He also ended up in the hospital, not from a car accident. He coughed up blood at work from drinking too much alcohol. During that time, he found out that he was HIV +, thanx to me.

I still need to scan the insurance paper, among other things I will get sooner or later. I don't know why his family is in denied about his drinking problem. All the signs was there since the1990's. Yet, they don't want to accept the fact. Well, they have to WAKE UP before it's too damn late. I tried to tell them in a letter last year. Man, Olga got mad at me for saying such a thing. Oh well, I did my best with his family.

I put up his papers. I will look at them again soon. I will read all of them and scan them. If no one believes me, maybe the scan papers will open their eyes to the real truth; Miguel is a alcoholic. I will say it again. MIGUEL IS AN ALCOHOLIC!

I got the $130. I will use some to pay the phone bill and put the rest in a safe place where Miguel can't find it. I found the "lost $10." It was in my pants all this time. I thought I lost the money in the street when I went to Poineer Market. I put on the clothes and shoes. I wanted for the bus by 7/11. Michael called me, "I will be there in one hour." I told him I need to go to the bank and please don't leave my place. I got on the Sunset bus. I paid the phone bill. I took the subway to the bank. I put the money in my account. I wanted to stop by Circuit City for Super Mario Bros. I want that game again! I hink I will go some other time. I went home.

Michael arrived for his email and the flyer. I told him about Miguel; he came home drunk. He asked, "Is Miguel an voilent drunk?" Dear lord! This was the truth. Miguel was an happy drunk. He have never ever hit me once. He gave me his business card. It really look nice. I helped him with the flyer as I played Bomberman.He was really excited with the outcome. I noticed the missing person on the flyer. I mentioned it was GOING TOO FAR! He recently started doing the astrology for his new income. He recently made $40 from his lady. I really don't believed in that crap at all. We make our own lifes. We don't need to stars and the moon to make our lifes. He really knows the astrology quite well. He have been learning for years. He was ready to take on the world with the stars and the moon!

5:37 PM, an SOBER Miguel called me. He tried to make nice with me. He wanted to come straight home after work. I lied, "I was at a friend's house. I can meet you there in an hour." Then, he will get something to eat at the chinese restaurant by 7/11 till I meet him there. Yeah, whatever! Still, we have to talk about the two nights. We can't put it off any longer.

Michael sent another email and eat some Tuna. He doesn't want to be here when Miguel gets here. I decided I won't watch any tv this evening. I just don't want to blown my cover. I don't want him here tonight. I need some TIME ALONE! So farm, so good. Miguel haven't knock on the door or window. He believed I was really out with a friend!

People, sometimes we got to lie as long it is a GOOD REASON!

Honest Thief

Happy

What can I say? This morning, Miguel almost found me out about the $130 money. Well, I was trying to save him some money. This past two nights, he came home DRUNK as a skunk! Since he wants to get drunk, he won't be drunk at my place any more. I put my foot down for once and for all. Then again, was i that honest about the money?

I was an honest thief! Was there a such thing as a honest thief? Hmm. It really depends on your look at it. Miguel promised me that he will pay me back for renting the U Haul truck on Wednesday. So far, he haven't. So, I took upon myself and pay me back with his own money. At the rate he was going this past two nights, it looked like he won't pay me back at all. I was looking for my best interest. You guys will probably do the same exact thing. You will steal your money back!

That is the God honest truth! See, I am an honest thief! LOL